Termination Due to Poor Prenatal Tests

I was 14 weeks pregnant and woke up to blood, went to the ER they said I had placenta previa and that the baby looked fine and all would be well, just to follow up with my Dr. So, the next morning I did, and yes, I had full placenta previa. This kind would not have moved away from my cervix. And because the bleed happened so early in the pregnancy I probably would not make it to even 28 weeks. The Dr. said because we live 45 min from a hospital and because the bleed happed so early he would terminate the pregnancy. He said I could bleed to death in 15 min at ant given time. He refered me to a place that could help me with the termination. I saw them the next day, and that Dr. tried to talk me out of it. I was so confused. He said I may bleed again and I may not, we have a small hospital 15 to 20 min away, I should go there if I bleed again, my real Dr. said that small hospital could not handle someting like that. I called my DR. back and he told him what the other Dr. said and he still said I should go through with it. So, in the end after thinking about it over and over and over again, I decided to go though with the termination. I have 4 kids and could not take the chance of dying and leaving them with no mother.

I am so sad and angry that I don't even know how to handle it sometimes. I know it has not even been 48 hours but I feel like I am going to lose it. I want another child so bad but am so scared to try again. I have made an appt for my husband to have a vasectomy 4-7. I had 4 perfect pregnancies then in Oct I had a m/c at 9 weeks, I got past that and got pregnant on the first try in Dec. I made it past the m/c point and thought everything would be fine. I was on cloud nine. Then this.

It is so hard to get up and out of bed. I keep replaying everything in my head, wondering if I made the right choice. I have to believe that I did but am having a hard time believing that.

I would appreciate any advice any one has to give me. I know in the end that it is up to me to get better I just feel like trying to get better right now.

Kris

There are no words that I can say that will ease your pain. I have been there and know exactly how you are feeling. The only thing I can tell you is that you will go on!! I guarantee that. If for nothing else...for your children! I played everything over and over again just as you did. It helps to talk to someone about it. Is there a professional that you can talk to. I urge you to go now! It truly helped me. The other thing that helped was for me to eventually realize that at the time, I made the right decision for the circumstances handed to me.

I wish you the best. Give yourself time to heal. You are entitled. Don't think that you will heal overnight...you won't.

Hugs and prayers to you. Since we cannot know what will happen, all we can do is make our best choices, and from our best motives. You acted out of love. Peace to you.

Love, Joyce
Mom to Ryan and Caroline

Kris,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Despite the pain and confusion, I just wanted to post and tell you to hold off on sending your DH for a vasectomy. That may not be the right answer but simply what you are leaning on in this difficult time. I encourage you to hold off for a year and really think about it before moving forward with it. I know you are scared, but being scared in many ways is better than being regretful down the road. While vasectomies can be reversed...it is costly and not always effective.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss and pray that God will lift you up and give you the strength you need to carry on and mother your beautiful children.

 Christy   Mommy to Suzanne (13) & Bonus-Mommy to Alexander (14) & twins, Jason & Ashley (12) New Babe due 10/23/06!!!!