Coping When Spouse Travels

Well I never thought I would ever be in these shoes. My fiance has just taken a job where he travels 3 weeks out of the month and can fly home if we have the extra money at the end of the month. We have been together 4 years engaged 3 of them. His last job paid very little and we scraped by to make the bills the bonus was we had all but three nights together every week. We became each others best friends and after a few years lost touch with our previous friends because in each other we had all we needed and enjoyed our time. He has only been gone 2 days ( I feel dumb for even posting so soon) But this is so hard. The airport scene, which I made bawling my eyes out, was a disaster and I realized at that moment I depended on him way to much and feared that I can't do household repairs or even fall asleep without his embrace. I am hoping I just. Will I ever adjust? I know we must sound like "that couple" everyone knows who are so in love it sickens people and maybe we are. No one in mine or his family understands. And in retrospect am I making this seem worse. I feel like most people are trying to make my feelings seem petty and over-reactive. I am hoping someone here gets where I coming from and that the pain I feel is real and not my inner drama queen. I worry because I havent eaten anything since we last ate together, I have gone from smoking a pack of cigarettes a week to 1 a day. I am trying to keep in together on the phone but I am sure he can see right through me. My biggest question to all of you would be.... because this is the best opportunity for us should I grin and bear our phone calls and just keep it to pleasant phone convos or should I let him know how broken up I am inside, I am scared that if I do let him know he'll pack up and come home. Advice would be appreciated-------Samantha

Hey Samantha,

I just joined this group as well. My bf has been gone for six days with his new job and I have cried every one of those days. I can barely sleep and have just started eating again. He calls and I cry and I realize that he is probably stressed being new to his job, but I can't help it.

I totally understand about him being your best friend. We have been together for two years and basically lost touch with all our other friends, and relied a lot on each other. I can safely say, he is my best friend. We also have a baby due any day and it scares me that he won't be here. It is my first baby and his schedule is three weeks on and three days off. I don't know what to do with a newborn!! I also have his six-year-old to take care of.

It has been lonely this week without him, but I have read the discussions here and they have helped me to realize that eventually things will get better. That we are still a team even if we are apart. We just have different responsibilities. We both have our stresses, goals, and our worries for each other. It is not like he is having fun out on the road. I worry when he talks to me because I hear exhaustion and stress in his voice.

I can't really offer you advice yet, since I am still in the beginning of my situation. I can tell you I have cried a little less the past couple of days. I try to stay as distracted as possible. Good luck and hope to read more soon!

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Hi hunny! Hugs!! It will, I promise you get better!

I wouldn't tell him how bad it is right now for you. I would try to get through the first week or two, then see how you feel. If you really can't imagine doing it after that, then I would call him and tell him.

Just get through the first couple of days, the first week, and it does get better you will get into the swing of things.

A little over 4 years ago I had a one year old little boy, my husband and I had just moved back to my home town, we moved into our new house and my husband left out of the country for 4 months. We had just come from a job where my husband worked and was gone from 7 am to 4pm, then we would go on a walk, go to the park, go fishing EVERY DAY! It was very, very hard. One of the wives of the guys that was with my husband was a marine wife and she took me under her wing and I got through it. She was one tough lady, she told me that if I could do this one deployment I could do anything. She was right nothing is as hard as that first time of thinking I have a 1 year old all alone, start from scratch meet the neighbors etc, like every other move except at least I knew my way around town this time LOL

I say all of that to say I never knew how strong I was until after that 4 months, now I have been doing this for 4 years and have added another baby and still can do it all. It is quite empowering, helping coaches at little league etc. you learn to be mom, dad everyone all rolled into one....you can do it! :-)

Hi Welcome! I'm the cl here and I look forward to get to knowing you! Jump in and post the ladies here are WONDERFUL! I can say I love having my friends here who KNOW what it is like to send off your husband, and know that you have to do it again and again.

Hi Samantha, I am also new to this chat. me and my husband have bin married for three years with a 2 and a half year old. he recently started working out of the state, and now its just me and my son at home. It has bin four months since hes bin working out of state, he will usually stay 3 to 4 weeks away from us. he comes back for a week or event some times just a weekend. it is very hard for me and i no how you feel. me and my husband are very close were like best friends. I do not think you are being over dramatic, I am just as bad as you i just cant help it. I feel very alone to be honest i have no friends were i live its just me and my son. Its goten to the point were i guess want to do anything. I guess i just feel left out, I know that hes doing this for us but it is truly very hard.

         we will get through it!!

Tonianne