I'm not really sure how to cope. This site came up on a google search for "coping with significant other traveling." I'm not married to the traveller, I hope it's okay. He's my boyfriend of 3 years. (I hope to marry him someday...I hope I can make it through this without breaking up with him in an angry, depressed rage.) We are both young-- 25 and 26. He just got a job that he'd been coveting for some time that involved EXTENSIVE travel, as a "field service engineer" (whatever that means). Most of the travel is domestic but some will be overseas, and it's all for several months at a time. It's a 2 year job committment after a 9 month training period, and it's only 2 months in. The "rules" of the job are unclear and keep changing-- he doesn't necessarily know ahead of time how long he'll be in a certain place, where he's going next, when he's coming back and for how long, etc. His schedule has changed several times since being in his first destination (Chicago).
We have no children together, but we did just move in together before this happened. Or rather, we signed the lease to move in together, then he got this job-- he had already moved in, and I had to move in by myself. I am in a long distance relationship with someone I live with. I live with someone that I've not yet had the experience of living with. Oh, the ironies...
I'm obviously not having a great time dealing with this. Of course, I miss him and all that, but other factors make this especially difficult. I hate the town/state that I live in. My parents moved here for my dad's work while I was in college, and my "plan" was to move here after college temporarily with them to save money to actually move somewhere I'd like to live. I met "C" (my bf), and by the time I was financially stable enough to be able to move somewhere, I was totally in love, and had absolutely no desire to leave. (The fact that he isn't from here either, is from closer to my home-state was comforting, and wants to return to that general location once becoming more established in his career is/was hopeful.) Well, again, the ironies...I stayed here for him...and he's not even here! Also, I recently made a job change myself. I realized that I went into my chosen major/field for the wrong reasons and that I didn't like that line of work and wanted to try something different. I don't regret leaving the other job, but I don't like my new job at all, and this is a big source of anxiety for me.
Moreover, I have very few friends. I'm fairly shy to begin with but people here don't seem very receptive to adding new members to their group of friends. (I'm sure it's also that it gets harder to make friends the older you are because you aren't in school anymore.) It's not that people are un-friendly or mean, just seem satisfied to hang out with the same kids they knew in HS or college. I've tried joining things (and not just since C leaving, even before that.) I've taken dance classes, art classes, joined meetup.com. I'm currently taking a jewelry class and a writing class. I have one really close friend that I made since being here....and at the same time as C leaving, she moved to a town an hour away. I do still see her quite often, and my parents too...but this definitely doesn't feel like home. It never really has, and now the person that made it feel like home isn't here.
I also have depression and anxiety issues, which doesn't help matters. I am in therapy and it was well-managed, but this (and the other changes) is just bringing up so much new crap for me. I'm sad, angry, scared, frustrated, confused, etc. I hate this situation...but I would hate to deal with the alternative (i.e. not being with him). I feel like I'm trying a lot to cope-- being involved in activities, maintaining the local relationships I do have, keeping as busy as possible, communicating my feelings to him, going to therapy, have seen each other approx once a month, etc. All the "coping skills" just doesn't feel like enough sometimes.
I don't know if this is a specific question or if I just needed to vent. Either way, thanks for listening! (Note: I'm not always such a downer about the topic, it's just been a bad couple weeks.)
<3,
Sam
