Ectopic Loss

Hi all, I hope this is okay posting here, I really wanted some advice from people who would know.

I'm not diagnosed yet - my doctor and I strongly suspect ectopic but I'm only 5w3d so she couldn't really see anything on the ultrasound. She scheduled another one and sent me in for liver enzyme tests in case I needed to take the MTX.

I'm really freaking out because I just started a new job the same week I found out I was pregnant and I don't get sick leave so being out for several days is going to be very, very bad. On top of that I am grief stricken and feeling very guilty. I've been trying for two years (I have a 3.5yo daughter) and finally had to resort to Clomid. I knew that I would ovulate from the right last month and that the right ovary and tube were covered with scar tissue from endo - I was just so impatient that I didn't want to skip a cycle so I took the risk of having an ectopic. I feel so stupid now - why did I want to put myself through this?? 

Anyway - I'm hoping you all can tell me when your ectopics were diagnosed and how bad the MTX was. I'm hoping to have enough information to know what to expect if the worst happens.  I had to tell my boss what was going on because I'm missing a lot of work to get all the tests done, I'm hoping I can give him a definite timeline that I will be gone if I have to take MTX - does it work right away?

Thanks for any advice you have - how to deal with the worry and grief would help to.

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru.  Please, don't beat yourself up for the "what ifs."  EP can happen to women with no known risk factors...it could have happened to you without risk factor too.  Sometimes it's just what you have to do.

Everyone responds differently to mtx.  Some need time off from work because of pain/heavy bleeding, while others are able to work thru the treatment.  There's no set timetable, unfortunately.  I didn't have mtx myself...I had lap surgery and had ruptured.

I hope your new employer will be understanding of your situation.  I mean, it's not like you started and were planning all along to have elective surgery, or something like that!  I hope they can understand that emergencies do occur.

I hope you'll know for sure soon what's going on, so you can get on with treatment and resolution.  The waiting and not knowing can be pretty frustrating, I know.

Let us know how you are doing.

Thanks - I didn't know this was going to be so hard. It feels like I have a hole in my chest and I can't take a deep breath or I start crying. I told my husband that it's easier for me to assume the worst and be surprised than to be hopeful and be crushed but I don't think anyone really understands that. I keep getting optimistic comments from him, my mom, the nurses and the doctor. It just makes it worse because I start to think that maybe it will be okay and then I remember that my beta numbers are bad and the chances are small.

I just want this to be over - my next ultrasound is in three hours. I wish I had something to keep me busy in the meantime - this is absolute torture. I wish people would understand that I'm not being melodramatic by mourning the loss so soon - I just can't allow myself to hope. Every time I hoped for the best when I took a pregnancy test it was that much harder to keep trying when it was negative. Infertility sucks, and I really, seriously hate my female parts!

Thanks for letting me vent - no one will listen until I have proof one way or the other and then I'm sure they will just tell me to try again.

Wow! This was unexpected. Please don't read this if you are stuggling with loss right now, I don't want to upset anyone.

I was convinced I had ovulated from the right side (heavily scarred) because that was the side that hurt. Turns out I was wrong. We got a much clearer ultrasound today and the cyst is on the left ovary and is just a cyst. They saw a very tiny sac with maybe a yolk sac in the uterus. My beta numbers are back up around where they should be. I'm not completely out of the woods for a miscarriage but it looks like the fears of an ectopic were ungrounded. I'm glad I found this board, even though I didn't really need it. It really helped the fear and uncertainty to know what to expect. Thanks ladies and I hope my false alarm didn't upset anyone.