TTC Grads

It's been a while, but I'm back now. Like I always have, I turn to you ladies in crisis. After my son, Noah, was born 5 months ago, I was so busy working, being a mommy to Noah and Emily (2), and going to law school. I've always had endometriosis and chronic pain, and it's finally just too much to bear anymore. I'm having a hysterectomy tomorrow morning. This was always the plan, but now that it's hear, I'm terrified. I'm 23 years old! This isn't fair! And to make it worse, I'm struggling with my intense fears about how I'll handle the hospital stay. Not only will I be away from my babies, but I do not handle nurses well. My only experiences with nurses have been gynecological (babies and endo), and the exams, checks for bleeding, being followed to the bathroom to watch me pee, etc. all make me feel violated and dehumanized. I was raped as a child, and my privacy and modesty are invaluable to me. I am truly terrified of feeling violated again when they come to check my peri-pad or watch me urinate. I'm already so scared that I'm coming in to this situation a little combative. Logic and reason don't change this fear of violation. I am so afraid. Does anyone have any experience with this or guidance? TIA.

Courtney

Courtney,

I don't have anything useful to add but I just wanted to offer you a huge huge hug.

I'm so sorry about all of this - you have been dealt a very unfair hand in many ways (and obviously a great one in other ways - your gorgeous children, and your determination to go through school with two small children!).

I hope that the op goes smoothly and that you are able to cope with the recovery without feeling violated.

(((hugs))) again

Julie

Courtney,

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! I'm not sure if you'll see this before you go in...

If you haven't already, I really suggest that you let the doctor and nursing staff know how all of this makes you feel. There are accommodations that can be made for some things. For example, they probably don't actually need to watch you pee...there is a "hat" that they can put in the toilet and then check it after you're done. Some checks will still have to be done in certain ways, but if the staff knows they can tread lightly and help you manage the anxiety.

Please know that what you are expressing is not unusual. Many women in similar situations report these kinds of feelings. Have you spoken to a counselor about any of this?

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1ae92b

Thank you for the kind words and support. I am finally back home now. I can't believe how good this hospital experience was. The nurses were very respectful of my modesty and privacy. The pain is still pretty bad, and since I'm nursing and my tolerance to paid meds is so high, nothing really helps. But I know it will get better. As it turns out, endometriosis was not causing all the pain this time around. I had varicose-like veins that were sending ridiculous amounts of blood to my uterus, causing constant, intense pain. There was a giant mass of blood that had built up and smooshed all my organs together.

I wondered if I'd regret this since I'm so young to be having a hysterectomy. But once I got the news, I was relieved. The pain should be completely gone now. Most importantly though, since I hemorrhaged after Noah was born and this blood mass was growing daily, I may not have survived another labor and delivery. The hemorrhage would have been even worse than last time. I am so grateful now that God led me to do this. Now I can try to move on with my life, pain free for the first time in 11 years. I can finally be fully present for my kids, instead of always trying to smile through the pain, distracted and tired.