1st, 2nd & 3rd Grade

So monday Liam comes home with a note I need to sign from after school, on Thursday he acted out at snack time and he is  on a warning, so we punished him and I was VERY upset too because he NEVER mentioned this the WHOLE weekend that he got in trouble AND daddy bought him a toy with some extra money he got last week, so he was grounded for 2 days and I made him write a applogy letter.

Then yesterday I get to the school and DH is putting the kids in the car and I know SOMETHING was up since it was a NICE night so no reason the kids can't play in the playground and then I hear DH you are in more trouble then you have EVER been and sure enough he got in trouble again yesterday, we wasn't listening, wouldn't wait his turn or sit in his seat and hense they suspended him.

OK now honestly I have mixed views on this because we are dealing with some of these issues in regular school so either they are magnified in after school or they are handling them differently while at the begining of the year they went on and on on how they work with the school and regular teachers if things are going on. Well YAH things are going on we've been through this with the school and the school pyschologist and this stuff is ALL in his file that I signed the release for them to have access to.

Now last year when his kindergarten teacher was dealing with some things she refered to after school and they compared notes and there seemed to be a nice open line of communication but this year not so much. Liam is on an IEP partly for some listening and attentive issues, we do need to look into ADHD but there is some belief that his behavior is him reacting dealing with some stuff coming up. He knows he is having surgery next month and we are just now learning he has been bothered by his speech and learning issues so while I understand to some aspect the afterschool I also think in some ways he is being punished for things that he really just needs help dealing with and the school has held up their end of their promises but the after school is just giving the impression they don't want to deal with problem kids which REALLY puts me in a bind. If it is ADHD and not just his reaction to some stressful stuff right now this will be an ON GOING thing so does that mean ANYTIME he misbehaves unlike the school that will be tied a bit under spec ed laws in dealing with him they aren't???

and then I need to figure out how exactly do we punish him. Right now we've pretty much taken everything away from him (TV, toys, play ground time) and he comes home goes to his room and can only come down for dinner and homework and I am really hoping if we can be stearn we can curb this before its a week suspension but then again if its something BEHIND the behavior its pointless.

Course DH is like he was bad stop reading into it but as his mom I KNOW this isn't Liam but I don't want to words in his mouth by probing too much so I am at a loss :(

JMHO, but I would definitely try to arrange a conference with the after-school program, and look up your rights beforehand. Most places are constricted by ADA - for example, my dd19 goes to a private university, but it receives some federal funding so they must follow the ADA. She doesn't have an IEP, per se (she is bipolar) but she does have special accommodations.

I personally think your punishment is pretty harsh for a kid Liam's age. Now, I realize that I don't know the situation and I am not there, so you would obviously know better. However, for a kid that young to be stuck alone in his room for hours seems like it would only make things worse. Plus, I think you absolutely DO have to take into account his ADHD in terms of his behavior.

Anyway, good luck with the afterschool program. I hope it gets straightened out!

Theresa 

I would say you really need to have a sit down with aftercare. I don't think the should be suspended over some behavior issues, he is not harming anyone else so suspending him is not the right answers. I can see him being suspended if he was hitting another child or being physical with others. I also think you should have his school teacher there as well so all three of you can discuss the issue and what is needed for Liam to be successful. Alot of kids have ADHA/ADD so they should know how to work with these issues.

BTW what is he having surgery on or why I should say?

 

  

Heidi, I think you hit it on the head when you said "but then again if its something BEHIND the behavior its pointless." Whether is something like the upcoming surgery you mentioned or something medical like ADD, it's hard to punish when you're just not sure if he's just being ornery or if there's a reason behind the behavior. It really does sound as if there's something more to it.

I'm posting links to two of our other boards that might be helpful. Even if it turns out that he doesn't have ADD or ADHD the members there might be able to give you some tips on discipline tactics that work well for them.

ADD/ADHD
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psaddchild?ice=iv:mb:msg:kb

Children's Mental Health
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pschildmentl?ice=iv:mb:msg:kb

GL!