The Three-Martini Playgroup

I had to switch counselors recently cuz mine retired, and she told me today that he had told her that I was one of the most intelligent clients he'd ever had.

That's great, right? but it bugs me. cuz i'm doing NOTHING. I got all As and Bs in school except for one C in advance calculus in college which was right after my accident.

And now what? I can't work. I can barely drive. why put a smart person on the earth if you're just gonna make it so she can't do anything with it? yeah, i'm a mom, but I didn't need massive book smarts to do this. at least it doesn't seem to ever come in handy while playing puzzles and coloring all day. i'm not knocking being a stay at home mom. it's great! but I (and everyone else) always thought my life would take another direction.

why make me so bright early in life and turn me into someone who can't even remember if she ate lunch or not.

I don't know what to do. I can't focus enough to read or write (though I am trying to write letters again).. I can still sing, but can't handle going to practices for the local chorus play I used to do every year.

I'm so lost. and today made me remember what it was like to be able to do anything. and now even getting dressed is a freakin challenge.

sigh. sorry, but thanks for letting me complain. I don't have anyone to talk about it to right now.

(((Stacy))) That's got to be frustrating!! I'm sorry I'm not more familiar with what you're going through and I hope I'm not asking a bunch of questions you've already answered here a bunch of times. Is the counseling helping you get better or a place for you to learn to live with your drawbacks? Your playing with puzzles and coloring will progress into bigger and more interesting projects, I'm sure. You are both learning together. (That's one of the reason's I love homeschooling, it helps me remember or relearn all those things I learned way back when.)

I hope things will improve for you. Feel free to vent anytime!!

she does what she can to help me get better, but i'm still not used to her, and the big thing that everyone thought was holding me down (the accident where I killed my little sister) has mostly been worked through at this point, but I still seem to be getting worse.

my diagnosis (well all of them) are changing to "treatment resistant".

my depression has gotten better with my shock treatments, and i'm thankful for that. right now I am going through massive self harm urges and gave in and scratched a big hole (7"x1"?) in my arm last night. now I have to keep it hidden or i'm gonna get thrown in the psych hospital. again. I don't want to go. I just want to be normal.

i've been thinking about finding my old school books and seeing if I can do them. but what if I just can't anymore?

I don't know where to start or if I should even bother. I did drive down the road to get the mail (30secs) without panicking.. so that's something I guess. it pisses me off that i'm proud of something so lame.

I feel like i'm getting worse at times. this week being one of those times. so i'm whiney. sorry again.

I used to be able to do lots of hard stuff without even thinking.. now it takes me a half hour to pick a cup to put juice in.

Hi , Stacy -- I am sorry to hear about what you're dealing with. Wendy gave you some great advice, but I wanted to also let you know that we have a message board that might be helpful for you: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfinjury?ice=ivl,searchmb. Check it out, you might find some more support there as well as the wonderful ladies here.

Take care..