Bio Moms

Okay here's my story. I will try to give you the shortened version.
My 3yo DS is living with his dad who is his custodial parent. We were supposed to be establishing visitation soon. I just moved out of state. My husband is in the Navy and I'm 8 months pregnant. When I was back in Ohio I had DS almost more then his BD even though he had all the rights to him.

Now the problem is that BD has a new "fiance". They break up all the time so whatever. But anyway, when she's not around him and I get along fine. But when she is in the room he is a total jerk. She is telling people that she's my son's mother. That would be fine if i was a deadbeat mom. I would love nothing more then to have my son with me full time.

Anyway, we had a hearing to establish child support for which I was to pay, back in September. I never received any of the paper work telling me when and where and how much to pay. BD said he got the papers and it was due on October 1st but refused to let me see the papers or give me a case number or phone number to contact who I needed. I went down to the office to make sure they had the right address and change my name after I got married about 3 weeks ago.

I called yesterday to talk to my son and I had to fight with BD for about 45 to get him to even let me say hello to my son. By this time I'm balling my eyes out and DS was tired so he wouldn't talk. BD said he wasn't going to let me talk to him until I paid. He doesn't believe me that I havent gotten any paper work.

Anyway, My real question is, if I'm living out of state do I need to get an attorney back in Ohio or would I get one here and would they travel? I'm in Connecticut so about 500 miles from home. I have no idea how to go about getting custody. If I filed something now do you think it would go through before the beginning of the year? I really shouldn't be traveling that far this far along in my pregnancy.

Also, since he has full custody, would I have any say in whether BD gave his fiance custody of DS? He said he would never do that but right now he is totally out of his mind. Any advice about getting custody will be very helpful. Thanks so much if you've read this far.

Make a pregnancy ticker

Your ex cannot give his fiance any legal rights to your son, don't worry about that.  But if she's living there, he can put her in charge of the boy's care.

Do you not have any visitation now?  Usually there's a temporary plan in place until a permanent custody order is filed.  If you're still working on that, you can add in a clause entitling you to phone contact, even daily. You can also write a clause where Dad's wife/gf cannot be called "Mom" too.

Yes, any custody challenge would have to be filed in Ohio, where the child lives.  But if you willingly moved away, you'd be fighting an uphill battle.  Why did you move, may I ask?  The only way you'd likely get immediate change of custody would be if the boy is abused in father's home.  I hope that's not the case.

You can hire an atty there in CN to help you with what your rights are.  Good luck and I hope things in your situation with your son improve immediately.

Thank you. I moved because my husband is in the Navy. It's only for about 3 more years then we'll be going back to Ohio. We have a baby due in December and in order for him to be at her birth I need to have her out here in CT. Also, I didn't think it would be fair for me and the baby to stay back in Ohio and for her father to not get a chance to bond with her. I'm really in a loose loose situation here. If my son's BD would just cooperate everything would be fine and we could do the shared parenting thing. We had agreed on that before. We were planning on going to court for it the beginning of next year when I am able to travel. But now he has "her" filling his head with all these ideas about my son not needing me and her being his mother that he will not even talk to me like a human.

I'm so lost. I wish i could just tear myself in two so I can be everywhere I need to be. If it weren't for the new baby I would have probably stayed back in Ohio, at least until we had the visitation worked out. I just don't think it would be fair to my DH or the baby to keep them apart. I really just want to do the right thing for everyone. My son is very close to his father and the rest of the family, (not "fiance" thank god) and I really don't know that me bringing him out here permanently would be the best thing for him. It's just that I don't see any other way of keeping a relationship with him if his father continues to not cooperate.

I'm very confused.

Make a pregnancy ticker

Yes, that does sound tough, you have my sympathy.

I'm pretty sure that if anything will change, it will have to change in OH.  You'll have to contact the courts there to make sure they have your contact info. for your CS order and your visitation schedule.  Do you travel there to see your son? 

Of course your son needs you, but you must be with him to keep those relationship bonds strong.  I hope you get the chance really soon to spend time with him.

You know now that you cannot rely on your ex to do the right thing.  You're oging to have to educate yourself as to what your rights and responsibilities are and get strong and agressively pursue your visitation rights. 

Good luck.