Bio Moms

It's been 5 months since I gave up son & thing aren't getting any easier for me emotionally - I have my days where I am ok but then I have my days where emotionally I am a wreck . These days I find myself more & more angry with the Dss system & how they treated me & my partner .  I just wish there was some one in my area that I could talk to about how messed up the Dss system is in the state of NC -  on top of all of that my partner & I have been struggling to conceieve a child of our own - alot of the women here on Ivillage have thought I am a crazy woman for wanting to have a child with my partner( when ever I just gave up my son 5 months ago )  Truth of the matter is my partner is a good man , yes he has a past criminal record along with a past drug record but I know without a shadow of doubt that we would be a great daddy - my partner is the type of man who do any kind of job weather it be shoveling dirt if it means to be able provide for me and our child -  my partner was more of a father to my little boy ( the first three yrs we were together) than my son's biological father was ( whom was never arround)  - my partner  & I always knew that we wanted to have a child together  but waited 7 1/2 yrs  because we really wanted to be able to be stable home wise, money wise ect ect -  @ the time when we had this discussion I still had full custdy of my son and our plann was to add the family in 7 yrs when my son was older -  how ever since loosing completely custdy of my son & me making the untimate decision to give him up - I have had to rework my dream , now I would just be happy to have a little dog  and a little one of our own  .     I'm well aware that I screwed up with my son  but just because I screwed up with him doesn't mean I'm doing to the same if I ever have another child .

I am sorry you are struggling so much.  I suggest you talk to your doctor, perhaps s/he can recommend some counseling.  If this is out of your budget, many churches offer free counseling services. 

You are grieving.  That is to be expected.  What is done is done, and it cannot be undone.  You need to go through the grief process, and I would recommend you come to a place of acceptance before you TTC another child. 

Good luck.

A therapist would be a much better choice.   Good luck, honey.