May 2008 Expecting Club

urgh, I need to vent. How is it that when you have a child (and this is our second the other is 2 yrs old) the mother's life changes completely to revolve around the children and the father's life doesn't seem to be effected at all???

Here I've been nice for the past two years with our first child - because of my husband having some health issues and since I was staying at home the first year, I didn't mind getting up at night on my own and doing the night duties....but even when I went back to work it didn't change...now with two of them, I'm trying to put one down to bed and the other wants to eat and I don't even get an offer of help.

When I was pregnant this time around DH didn't help out at all at nights, so the last 5 months I had acid reflux so bad that I couldn't lie down with my two year old to read to her, so I changed the routine so she's come to our room where I could sit up a bit more and we'd watch tv for a little while.

Well last night she would not go to sleep until near 10:00 pm, so this morning when I said I could use some help with bedtimes - I get the comment "well you should never have got her used to going to sleep with the tv" OMG I almost lost it!!! Not to mention that the only times I got out with my own friends, daddy's routine was to hold her on his lap in front of the tv downstairs until she fell asleep.....SO HOW IS IT ALL MY FAULT ALL OF A SUDDEN.

I know I'm emotional and tired, but I've just about had it - cripes! if I'm doing this much on my own I almost feel sometimes like I may as well do it all and kick his ass to the curb.

HELP!! I really do love the guy, but when will he wake up????

I'm sorry you are feeling like this.  Men really don't have a clue sometimes.  You said you used to stay home with your 1st child.  Is that an option now for you?  I know it is very hard to take care of home duties and work as well.  I am a SAHM and I take on most of the responsibilities.  My DH works very hard and I do try to limit jobs for him so he can focus on playing/spending time with the kids and me.  There are times, however, when I get overwhelmed.  Those times I simply drop a child on his lap and say, this one needs feed, or this one needs a bath.  I would stop asking or waiting for your DH to help.  Don't give him a choice.  I don't think he is doing it purposely.  I think he is just used to you always doing everything and he does not realize what you are going through. 

As for nighttime.  You need to re-establish your older childs routine.  Tell her that the baby is here now and you can return to reading her books in her own bed.

GL!

Lisa

Mama to Jenna, Gabriella, Hannah, Samuel and Lakelyn

     

Welcome Lakelyn Joy!  5/22/08 c10cd29

 

You can either do what my sister does and demand his assistance starting immediately or you can do the bulk of the work, let him initiate when he wants to do it. But whatever you do don't be passive about it, be up front about things. Men sometimes need to be told what we're going through with or without their help.

In my house I'm the only one with a magical touch. I'm NOT the only one who does all the house work but my 3 other sons help with that (I call them chores)

One time I demanded DH to change Collin's diaper in the middle of the night, right before he came to bed after work. He was a little ticked off because his theory is that he's the only one working so he shouldn't have to do as much. Well as of right now it's kicking him in the butt because he can't sooth Collin when he wants to.

My theory is that we're both Collin's parents and I don't ask for much but he does need to pitch in when I need him to. He does sometimes give me grief but he'll still get the job done and that's all I really want.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/collinbremel

actual;ly I am at home now as well for maternity leave - but it drives me batty that he doesn't even seem to initiate play with our two year old when he is home from work - I don't think I'd begrudge things as much if he was at least interacting with the kids.....urgh

you're right about bedtime needing to be reestablished - but with doing it on my own and the baby's feeding not yet on a schedule its pretty hard....but we will keep trying like women always do! LOL

Hugs honey!

If I could bottle my Dh and share him around I would, because my DH just gets the need to help!

So, for you to be feeling so alone on this must be rough.

I'd tell him straight up that you need help. These are both your children.

Good luck and hope things improve soon.

Mel