I'm a ftm, stay at home. I'm really getting overwhelmed. Lexi is three weeks old and so far its been hell. Dh had the first 2 weeks off and that really helped. But since monday, i've been on my own. I feel horrible. bf'ing has been really hard, i'm just starting to get the hang of it now, and i can only feed the baby (without pain) on my right boob. It still hurts to feed her on my left boob, i have no idea why. And i hate feeding her when it hurts. I also feel like a milk machine. Dh says i shouldn't feel like a milk machine, that bf'ing is my special time with her. But i just feel like all i do is change her and feed her. I want to stick it out and keep bf'ing her. I don't want to pump or switch to formula, i'm just venting about the pain and frustration.

Then the screaming is really getting on my nerves. She screams whenever her diaper is changed, she screams while i get ready to feed her, if she wants to be held - she screams. Usually i try to ignore the screaming and just do whatever she needs, b/c i know i'm lucky that she doesn't have colic, she's just fussy, but still after a while it gets on your nerves. Yesterday, i had salsa for lunch and she screamed non-stop for 6 hours. So while i'm happy i figured out what caused her screaming and i can fix it by not eating spicy food, my nerves are shot today. So this morning when i was changing her diaper, she was screaming away, and i was like "shut up lexi, just shut-up." I wasn't mean and i didn't yell, but still the fact that i said it bothers me. Also, last week when she was really hurting my nipples during bf'ing - i did yell at her " why don't you know how to eat". I feel awful for losing my temper. Especially now that i'm getting the hang of bf'ing and most of the problem is me - not her. And Lexi is a really good baby, the last few days she's been sleeping for 6 hours in a row at night. I feel like i should be handling this so much better. I feel like a bad mom b/c i'm not better at this, b/c i get mad at Lexi. I mean she's only 3 weeks old! i should have so much more patience and i'm so mad at myself for not being more patient!

thanks for listening to my vent.

Renae,

It's been said before but I'll say it again, You would be a bad mom if you never thought you were one. 

I hope that makes sense to you.  But we all bad days and it is frustrating when they can't communicate what they want from us. 

I used to feel guilty about some of the things I did when my 3 year old was an infant.  When he couldn't be calmed and I couldn't figure out what he needed, I would pick him up and sort of skip from room to room (supporting his head of course) in order to blow off some steam because I couldn't stand letting him cry.   And it stopped him from crying or at least distracted him temporarily and it allowed me to safely blow off steam without yelling or getting overly frustrated. 

It turns out (if your a fan) that there was a woman on the Dr. Phil show that would run around her house and her yard and would climb on top of her children's swingset until she calmed down in order to relieve her stress.  And he told her that was actually a very safe way of blowing off steam and that he'd rather her act like that than take it out on her children. 

You will always have days like this and of course our kids forgive us for losing our temper.  So hang in there and keep at it.  I hope the BFing gets better for you.  Maybe now that she is 3 weeks (seems to be the magic number for taking a bottle)  You could pump the side that's giving you trouble and only nurse her on your good breast until the other one heals a little?  

You sound like a good mom and you are not alone. 

Thanks Kyle,

I feel better just knowing i'm not alone. Its just so stressful, but i just have to hope it gets better.

Thanks again!

You know something when I breastfed my daughter, it hurt so bad to breastfeed,
sometimes I would dread when I would have to feed, but then it got better, it WILL
Get better. I think it took me till a month and a half before It didn't hurt. You'll like it
much more when it doesn't hurt.

Don't feel like a bad mom, you lost your temper, it's normal. It's stressful, I know.
I'm at home with a toddler and a newborn. I don't get sleep at night, well hardly any,
and i'm up all day with my daughter, and when she's napping my newborn is wide awake.