September 2006 Sunflowers

I have always come to this board for advice because you all make me feel so good. This has been bothering me for a while, so I better vent it out for advice.

Aparna is pretty small for her age (Okay her weight is 26lbs which is inside the growth chart) and I seem to be worried. Everyday she makes meal time a power struggle. I know I have read and heard from moms not to make it a struggle. But I CANNOT. I admit I try to distract her to get something inside her because she is so freaking thin when I compare to any other kids(in my family or with friends). She acts totally normal and few nights have gone to bed with just a yogurt or something. So if I let her eat on her own with a timer set, she starts crying until she throws up what she eats and ends up not eating anything before bed. She behaves like this 4 out of 7 days and on the days she eats well, its a blessing for me and DH.

I have brought this as a concern with her ped, but as most doctors say, he says she is in the growth chart and he wouldn't worry when she is active and not ill. When she eats I make sure I add cheese,butter and anything to boost her fat. She drinks 2 glasses of milk and 1-2 servings of yogurt a day and cheese for snacks most days. We are vegans and we dont eat even eggs.

I can be happy about the fact that she doesn't have any other health issues, but I am so FED UP feeding her food everyday. In short I tried all methods given in books,let her eat on own etc etc. She keeps demanding for more things when we make it a struggle, I agree but I am out of suggestions. I am so worried that next year she will be the smallest kid in school and what will happen if some kid pushes her or behaves rough with her. The DC where she goes, her DCP keeps saying things like I should give her eggs, she has less energy to even tie her own shoes(which is ridiculous) etc etc and triggers me more. I know part of it may be genetics because I am petite and DH is medium built. But that cannot be the only reasons for her to act up this way.

I may be doing something wrong. Thats why I have written all about this here to get some positive advice and how to make her eating habits better. Will she ever be big or be a small kid always??

Thanks for reading.

                                                               Beautiful siggy by Meghan (lovetoday)

She may just have a small build. If you are concerned you might ask your ped if he/she would check her vitamin and mineral levels of typical things a vegan diet could be lacking to see if she is deficient in something particular you could focus on.

I would ignore the dcp as best as possible - many people have grown up vegan quite healthy. I would keep looking for new foods to try, but honestly I know with Izzy it can take us presenting it to her and her not eating it 20x before she finally tries it.

With Izzy, we give her, her meal and what she eats she eats no timer. Some days she doesn't eat lunch or dinner because she is not fond of the selection. We also feed her 3 snacks a day, so if she doesn't eat at one meal, chances are she will eat at the next meal or snack. I know I don't like to eat when I am upset, so maybe try to identify how to best relax during a meal (music or some relaxing breathing before starting) and if you are very calm, that may transfer to Aparna.

Do you know any other moms raising their little ones vegan?
It might help to find a support group (in real life or online) that you can share frustrations with who have some really practical advice for you.
HTH
Nic

I just searched ivillage - have you ever looked at this board?
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppvegparent?ice=ivl,searchmb

Nic

First and for most stop struggling with her later on this could cause her to have an eating disorder later in life. If she feels that you are trying to control this then she will take it into her own hands you just can't.

Lets go back in time Kaitlyn was tiny, she at one time was barely on the charts for weight. I was freaked about it because she just did not eat well once she became a toddler. Doctors repeatly told me not to push the issue, let her be. We put the plan in place that if she did not eat then all she got is water between meals unless she went back to eat what was offered. The food was available for her to eat and she needed to eat it first. So we let it go and to this day we still struggle but she is 25% for weight and still remains on the same growth curve as she has been actually a bit better.

Now on to Ryan. Ryan started at the 75% for weight and fell off the charts by the time he was a year old. we spent a year giving him protein shakes which only brought him up to the 5% in weight. He is not a great eater, loves fruit but not great with anything else. We struggle daily with his eating to the point before bed some nights he only has had a few bites of food. The way the ped said they eat when they are hungry, don't give them junk in replacement of food but they will eat when they are hungry. So I have had to step away even more so with him because one he is a boy and he is so tiny. Like "A" he is only 26 pounds as well 5% for weight and only 15% for height now. I am really worried about him because he really is not eating much, but you know what when he wants to eat his food is waiting on the table for him. My ped again stated to keep the food available for him to go back to through out the morning, afternoon and evening so if he decides to eat he is eating what you have given him.

Stop struggling with her and let her eat as much as she wants and if it's only a few bight then let her down. Don't force her to eat a certain amount let her eat what she wants. I know it's hard but it is worth her getting as upset as she does and then vomiting what she has eaten? She needs to have some control of her eating habits, if she can't control the food you give her she can control the amount she wants to eat. Make sure she gets a vitamin to make sure she gets all her vitamins but other than that let it go. She is just going to be small. Kaitlyn is much smaller than her peers but that does not slow her down at all, no one takes her over at all. She does not like anyone bully her, it does not matter the size of a person but their personality.

About the egg thing, I don't agree with all the vegan rules because personal I don't understand not eating certain things but eating other things. Such as you drink milk that comes from a cow, yogurt that is made with milk by a cow, you eat cheese that is made with milk from a cow, but you won't eat eggs that come from a chicken. They are not the flesh of the animal so to speak so I don't understand why you won't eat an egg. With that said this is your belief I would not tell you to get something that you don't want to and I accept your belief. (just don't understand it). I would say to that you know there are many other ways for "A" to get protein other than eggs or meat so stick to what you are doing and the DC will just have to understand. Ages are a good source of protein though and good fat. Too much milk/diary can cause "A" to be constipated so watch that.

Give up the struggle with food it will make meal time much easier for all trust me, I have had to do it with two of my kids. Meal time is much better than it use to be.