September 2006 Sunflowers

cade and elise have been going to a drop off class since April. They love it. They also go to the gym when I work out, which is a drop off facility. Three weeks ago they started a "real" preschool class and seem so far to love it.

They turned 3 Wednesday. Thursday, Cade developed separation anxiety for the first time in his 3 years! What is going on? It started at the drop off class, and it has continued every time I have left them, whether my husband is with them, or my mom, or their beloved sitter who comes twice a week. He just cries and clings to me for a minute and stops once I walk away. But it is awful. And I don't know where it came from.

Possibly coincidentally is the fact that he woke up on his birthday and felt he needed to be potty trained, as we've been telling him he'd do it when he was 3. Elise has been for a long time, but he was not interested. He is doing it, without any pressure at all from me, but I wonder if that has something to do with his sudden desire to have me around constantly.

Has anyone else gone through this at this late age? If so, how long can I expect it to last? He does know I will come back, and asks me to remind him. He always asks if I will remember to kiss him goodbye, too. And I just say, "I always do!"

Anyway, it is frustrating. HELP!
Thanks

Alison

Izzy started this past summer screaming whenever DH or I left the house without her at night. She is afraid of the dark and consequently was afraid of one of us going in the dark. Her window faces the front of the house and when DH or I would go out to walk the dog she was get hysterical screaming at the window for us to come back even though the other one of us was in the house with her.

A lot of fears emerge around this age and it is important to offer comfort/reassurance but of course you still have to live your life. Izzy also becomes afraid when the car goes to fast but of course I am going to do the speed limit on the highway - she thinks she will fall out of the car. So we offer reassurance and give her, her comfort items in the car and make a big deal of buckling her in tight and locking the doors so she feels secure.

Does he have any comfort items he can keep with him? Talk to him about it and see if can vocalize any of his worries to you and then you can better help him get through it. The nice thing about this age as opposed to infant separation anxiety is you can have a two way conversation about it.
Nic

I think the pp is right on the money with this one. They are SO much more aware of the world around them now and really realize that things can be scary and they don't have as much control over their lives as they'd like to think (LOL). Therefore, you are a security they don't want to do without!

Ryan occasionally cries when I leave him at school even though he'd stopped doing it a long while ago. He, too, does the "you're driving too fast" thing that Izzy does, and also HATES when we leave him with a sitter to go out, even though our sitters are people he's known just about ALL his life (and he stops crying very quickly after we leave).

I'd just keep reassuring him, develop a little "goodbye" ritual for when you leave, remind him you ALWAYS come back, try to get him interested in an activity or toy before you leave, and maybe even enlist his sister to "help your brother" or something. You could also just try asking him why he gets upset when you leave. We've done that with Ryan. Ryan is very verbal and has been able to explain his fears/anxieties, and that has helped us reassure him too.

It DOES suck -- I HATE hearing Ryan wailing when DH and I go out (which is so rare anyway!). It helps that 1) I trust who he is with and know that ultimately, Ryan has a fantastic time and when we pick him up at preschool he does not want to leave! and 2) he stops very quickly, especially at school -- often before I even reach the door.

Good luck! It really IS awful, but it also helps to remember that in about 10 years, these kids will want nothing to do with us! ;)