Parenting Without Borders

It's October! I love this month :). So much goes on this time of year. I got to see Jessica perform finally with her high school band this weekend. It was great. It brought back memories of when I was a band geek and I got to cheer for her and show her support. I know she knows we support her (since her mom blames us for forcing her to let Jessica be in band.) but I'm sure it was nice to really have us there physically too. It's great to know she loves it like DH and I did when we were in school.

I am wearing out! This being preggo stuff is getting harder! I know I'm not 20 something anymore, but sheesh! I'm not old either. I just want to spend my days off in bed these days. I have so little energy by the weekends. I expend so much during the week it seems and then I have no energy all weekend. It doesn't help that I feel so HUGE! I know I haven't gained much weight but I feel like I'm bigger than I was with the other 3. Even my family thinks so. IDK how many comments I have gotten about how huge I am this time and how quickly I got that huge.

We still are no closer to a name than we were last week either. I think in a way I am still having a hard time coming to terms with this pregnancy since I really didn't want to have another. I really am not all super excited, but this IS number 4 so all of the pregnancy stuff is like a 'yeah okay BTDT so what' kinda thing. I am excited, don't get me wrong, I LOVE babies and this one will be no exception, but I just am not into the whole planning and preparing and all oozing with absolute joy over this either. I really wanted to enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest, but I'm just NOT. Maybe it's just the fact that this is number 4 and I feel like I've done this a million times so what's the big deal, or maybe I'm depressed. All I know is that I really want to feel over the moon about this and I just don't feel like that. Does that even make sense?

Anyways, Let's have a great week of posting towards 1000 posts this month! I'm excited to be so close to 25000!

 

Becca, big hugs! Don't feel bad about not having energy on the weekends....and don't feel bad about not being excited like this is #1. you feel how you feel and you can't just change that. there's no less love for this one, it's just that you do have the experience and once the baby is here, you'll have all those awesome feelings. Until then, just do what you feel like and be at peace with it all :D

October is starting out pretty good here. We had a nice weekend. Salmon Days festival in our town all weekend...we went on Saturday, once in the morning then finished up during the last hour of the day (5-6)....in between, Ruby got her flu shot and mom got a new nursing bra and a new hands-free pumping bra....it's SUPER nice :) DH had to remind me that I hated the one I've been using for 2 weeks shy of a year the moment I put it on....and yet I lived with it....oh and I got the name of a couple of shops that are "local" but yet will both be quite a drive (I'd venture to guess an hour easy for one, 45 minutes for the other, opposite ways of course!) but I really do need to see if there are any other options for me, since I won't be weaning very soon if I can help it and I'll be pumping here at work for a few more months too, just scaling back to 1 pump here after her birthday.

had a productive Sunday tho. wish I'd had another day to continue as I was totally on a roll but then Ruby got fussy. but I did get a nice chunk done and hopefully can get an hour or two done each night as we're not sure yet if DH's parents are coming this weekend, or the weekend of the 24th. I mean, why on EARTH would they make up their minds and let us full-time dual working parents know so we could freakin make the place presentable or anything. I mean, why be considerate??? naw, call us on Wednesday and tell us you're coming on Thursday, I'm so excited about that! Oh and don't bother to let your son give ample warning for time off he wants to take while you're here....~sigh~ Oh yeah, it's total sarcasm monday for those playing along :D I'm just glad they decided against coming the weekend of Ruby's party because they're coming to see her and with my parents here that weekend too, they'd both be fighting over her, and since my parents took a freakin PLANE to get here versus the mere 4 hour drive they could do anytime they please, yeah, wouldn't go down too well. That and we have THREE other parties that weekend that obviously we're taking Ruby to since they're for kiddos (Ruby's buddy who's 3 days older, Ruby's buddy who is exactly a year older and then another buddy who is 3 years older, not sure exactly what date her birthday is tho, I asked what was happening so many mid-late Januarys in a row!) so that's another 4-5 hours over the weekend she will not be available for them to cuddle :)

Back to work, got back to find the mess I left on my desk on Friday....oops! but at least I remember what I was doing :) I need to do something else today before anything....and then order Ruby's name labels....which we should have had a year ago! I have no interest in other kids taking her stuff at school....obnoxious nametags in everything should fix that problem :D

Becca, I totally hear ya on the pregnancy stuff. All I want to do when I get home from work is go straight to bed. And I haven't enjoyed being pregnant at all. I'm trying to but honestly I just want it to be over. Don't beat yourself up about how you *should* feel. Your feelings are your feelings, you can't help that. You'll be excited when your baby is here, and that's all that matters.

So I know I haven't been around in forever...my life kind of fell apart for a while. Paul & I had a fight over something stupid, and I almost broke up with him (I blame that on the preggo hormones). And I don't know if I've mentioned it here before but I battled anorexia for most of my 20s and ended up going to rehab for it. I've been fine since, but being pregnant has brought up all of those issues for me again. And I thought I was handling it, but I had an OB appt on the Thursday before Labor Day and she told me I'm measuring small, which has been the case all along, but then she started talking about IUGR and the problems it causes, and that was all I needed to hear. I checked into rehab the next day. While I was there I had an appt with an OB every week and he did an u/s at each one, so I know that my baby is doing better because at the first one he was at the 10th percentile and last week he was just under the 20th. I have an appt with my OB tomorrow and I know she's going to be shocked when she sees me. I gained 10 lbs in the 4 weeks I was away and now I actually look pregnant.
And my other big piece of news...Paul & I decided to get married. I'm still against marriage in principle but I want to move back home to Boston and he wants to be married before making a major change like that. It's important to him, so I'm okay with it. We're not going to have a big fancy wedding, we're just going to get married at the city clerk's office and have a reception afterward. I'm excited about it though and we're trying to decide how many people we want to invite and to pick a date in November.

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