Stepmoms / Bio Moms Debate

Is there a limit to that?  I would think that for some SM's, "impacting my house" would include nearly every decision their DH makes.  That would especially be true for those who believe that every penny their DH makes belongs to them.  And vice-versa, I assume.

So if the SK asks for money for anything, from a candy bar to an extra curricular activity, the SM could say that decision impacts her household finances and therefore she should have a say.

If the SK asks the father to take her anywhere, then that would impact the time normally spent w/the SM's family, so the SM could veto that.

Should only the SM have say on what health insurance policy is best and on the best way to save for a college fund?

Is there really any limit?  Is the "I mind my business unless it impacts my house" a way for some SMs to say "everything is my business"?

<<<Is there really any limit? Is the "I mind my business unless it impacts my house" a way for some SMs to say "everything is my business"?>>>

I think it's easy to use that excuse when you want or need to be involved in everything and possibly feel left out by the actual parents parenting.

I would guess it's used for finances the most.

brc

It doesn't always impact my house, even with financial situations. DH has his salary which is what goes to whatever his kids want or need as he sees fit. I existed without his income long before he came along and will continue to exist without it if he ever dies. That's not to say I don't ever use it..... that account is pretty much used for spending money, so I will take from it for a manicure or a haircut or travel accessories. Basically anything I can't write off as a business expense or some other deduction, or get mileage credit for, comes out of his paycheck. If his account happens to be low when I want to buy something I either wait or use my own money. I have never expressed an opinion about anything DH does financially with the kids, nor have I had to since he is much more frugal than I am.

When it comes to things that really do impact my house, whether literally such as property damage or figuratively such as the kids spooking the dogs, I will make my displeasure known to DH and he can decide how to remedy the situation. Luckily the things I don't like are the same things he doesn't like, so it is very rare that I ever have to say or do anything.

vjm@thecruisegeek.com

<<<When it comes to things that really do impact my house, whether literally such as property damage or figuratively such as the kids spooking the dogs, I will make my displeasure known to DH and he can decide how to remedy the situation. Luckily the things I don't like are the same things he doesn't like, so it is very rare that I ever have to say or do anything.>>>

This is how I'm learning to work it Jamie. It is important to me that his kids don't destroy my furniture. I have nice furniture and I worked hard for it and I didn't even get it until I was about 35. So, get your freaking food off my silk pillows and couch and your stinky shoes off my carpet. (okay...had to get that out) What I learned is that neither the kids or SO had any practice at treating their household belongings well. I started on SO and the trickle down effect has mostly worked. I still remove my silk pillows when the skids are coming over. An easy solution that causes the least resentment.

brc

Thats interesting the comment as to finances.  Of course, since my Xs wife doesnt work, it kinda limits her ability to overstep.

I strongly recommend prenupts and limited sharing of money in second marriages.   If I were to ever get remarried, no way no how would anyone get control of my money.