Stepmoms / Bio Moms Debate

I think that as parents, we can make good and bad decisions, but I think in general, a bad parent is one who ignores their child, abuses them (mentally, physically), and uses the child as a pawn on a regular occasion. I was barely 20 when I had my son and I feel that just now at 26 I am deciding to grow up. I'm by far not a "bad" parent, but I've definitely put my foot in my mouth and have, at times, put my needs above my son's. I choose to recognize my bad decisions and to strive to think of my son first in the future and/or try to correct the decision. (for instance, if i said "no" to extra parenting time with NCP during my CO'd time, what is my reasoning for saying "no" and if I think I'm doing it to be spiteful, I change my mind and welcome the help, etc).

I think we all make bad decisions at times, but I think we all can change if we so choose.

<perhaps someone is a good CP but not NCP >

I don't think CP/NCP status, by itself, has anything to do with being a good or bad parent.

<maybe a person did not make good parenting choices in their early twenties but then went on to have a child in their forties and was a different parent>

Yes.  I believe that often happens.

<Do you think that a parent who you would think was a very good parent in an intact family has the capability of being a "bad" parent after a divorce? >

Yes.  I believe that also often happens.  I also think that some people who were bad parents during the marriage turn out to be rather decent parents after divorce.

<And can a parent be a "good parent" to one child and a "bad parent" to another?>

Absolutely.

I think that the issue really isn't is a person "good" or is a person "bad", unless the person is a saint (good to everyone) or demonic (evil to everyone).  The issue, is the person good to me or not good to me.  Or in this case, is the person good to my child or not good to my child.

I think each child has a right to say they could care less if their parent was good to someone else.  It's insignificant.  As a matter of fact, it's worse than insignificant.  It's generally far more biting if you know a parent CAN be good to someone, as exhibited by the parent's behavior to someone else, but just did not chose to be good to you.

I know lots of LD parents who have intact families at home and they are good parents to both sets but different parents because of the circumstances. I would be a bad parent if I were poor and didn't have a good support system.

I can't imagine parenting my children in separate homes, however my husband is the same parent with all his children, he doesn't get to put one child to bed every night or see that child every day but that doesn't make him a bad parent, it makes him a person who made a bad decision to create a child in a situation that would cause that.