Stepmoms / Bio Moms Debate

BD is turning 40.  Both his actual birthday (Friday) and his party with over 50 invited guests (Saturday) are scheduled for the weekend that he has SS.  BD is adamant that his child be present at the party, which will begin at 8pm.  There will be no other children there.  There will be lots of alcohol, some cigar smoking, uncut music and foul language (I'm sure).  BM does NOT know that BD is having a party and that her son will be present.

Debate:  Does BM have the right to veto her child going to BD's?  She should be told about the party? 

Let's say SS gets into the alcohol.  Should BM be told?  Is it dependent upon if the boy gets sick (throws up/dizzy vs. hospital)?  What are BD's consequences if that happens?

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BM doesn't get to veto.

She does get to respond to him being placed in a dangerous sitch (smoking around him, unattended alcohol). How? Depends on her CO, I guess.

<<<Let's say SS gets into the alcohol.  Should BM be told? >>>

Yes. Immediately.

It is possible to have adult activities and a child's visit take place simultaneously. But it should be after SS has gone to bed and SOMEONE needs to remain sober/coherant in case the boy needs something.

Debate:  Does BM have the right to veto her child going to BD's?  She should be told about the party? 

--No.

Let's say SS gets into the alcohol.  Should BM be told?  Is it dependent upon if the boy gets sick (throws up/dizzy vs. hospital)?  What are BD's consequences if that happens?

--Yes, she should be told. How old is SS? BD isn't the one who should receive the consequences - if SS gets into the alcohol, that's on him.

 

"People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead"

 

how old is SS?....why would you be thinking he might get into the booze?...i'd say best dad supervises well to avoid that!....i've had my share of adult partys that my kids attended, and them getting getting sick from sneaking drinks was just not an issue (maybe consider having a certain bar area/bartender where SS would be easily noticed as out-of-place...keep soft drinks in another spot).

many adults are offended by cigar smoke, so i'd suggest making a separate (outdoor?) smoking area so as not to annoy non-smokers with the stink ;)....i don't think thats just a kid issue, seems society in general frowns on choking on 2nd-hand smoke, no?

as for foul language, well kids are often exposed to that anyway here & there, right?....do you think your guests will just go crazy with cussing?....i really don't know many over-40 who get a kick outta getting wild cursing just cause its a party, that seems more a teen kick, no?....i'd imagine guests will curse 'normally' and not get over-board just cause its a party.

oh and no, i don't think BM needs to know theres a party or be given veto power...though i do think dad should make it a point his son doesn't get into the booze.

It is possible to have adult activities and a child's visit take place simultaneously. But it should be after SS has gone to bed and SOMEONE needs to remain sober/coherant in case the boy needs something.

Why do you have to take the fun out of everything?  ...

I agree, though.  Either let mom keep the kid or wait until he is bed and at least one person remain sober in case something happens.