Stepmoms / Bio Moms Debate

I run a community service club through the school.  We have bi-monthly projects that are completed by the students.  Last month they hosted a Halloween party for the abused women’s shelter.  This is the first year SD has been in the club and her mom has offered to volunteer at our activities.

At the Halloween party, SD was pretty wound up and not being well behaved.  All of the kids in the club (and that lived in the shelter) acted up at one point or another and I had to address their behaviors.  Since SD was so over the top misbehaving, she got scolded considerably more than the others.

It was an uncomfortable position, because I thought BM should have been the one correcting her.  I was uncomfortable scolding her in front of her mother, but I couldn’t just ignore it either because it was pretty extreme behavior.

As a SM, what would you have done, given that you were overseeing such a large group of children and there were risks involved in simply ignoring the behavior?

As a BM, how would you have felt to see/hear SM scold your child in front of you?  Does it make a difference if you didn’t notice the behavior and it was normally something you would have corrected?  What if it was behavior you didn’t think needed corrected?

As a SM, what would you have done, given that you were overseeing such a large group of children and there were risks involved in simply ignoring the behavior?

Hmmmmmm it depends on the exact behaviour.  If it required a quick settle down type thing and I would say it to the other kids, then I'd probally say it to my SK.  If BM is within voice range, Id ask her to settle it down as I would do if the kids moms were near by.  If you truly think the BM wouldnt see the behaviour as bad, but since you are running things and wouldnt let the other kids carry on, then telling SK to stop is appropriate.  If BM didnt like it, then she could leave with SK and no bad behaviour to deal with at all.  Atleast by SK, there still would be other kids to deal with.  Dealing with large groups of kids is tough, I just did this with my sons class trip. 

As a BM, how would you have felt to see/hear SM scold your child in front of you?   She'd never have a second opportunity.  I feel that is very inappropriate.  But my child is usually very well-behaved.

Does it make a difference if you didn’t notice the behavior and it was normally something you would have corrected?   Then the SM could have brought it to my attention to handle.

What if it was behavior you didn’t think needed corrected?  Then I would have told SM to mhob.

Were you the only adult at this event that was paying attention to the children?  Or just the strictest?

TX she runs the club kind of like the scout leader or the teacher.