Stepmoms / Bio Moms Debate

I read this on Dear Prudence and thought it would make an interesting debate.  As a stepmom do you think you would encourage or discourage the BD to reconnect with his child?

When I was 14, I severed ties with my dad. I was a messed-up teenager, living with my certifiably nutty mother and visiting my dad on weekends. When he remarried and had another baby with my stepmom, I was furious. I treated them badly, cursed at them, hollered at them, stole from them, and went so far as to set "booby traps" in the house so my stepmom and new baby brother could get hurt (luckily, they didn't). I treated my stepmom like dirt, even though she was never mean. After I stopped answering my dad's calls and threatened to report him to the cops as a stalker, he stopped trying to get in touch with me. I can see now that he and my stepmom were good people who wanted only the best for me. Now that I am 27, I am trying to get back in touch with my dad, because I'm getting married. However, he will not respond to mail, e-mail, or Facebook messages. I've asked my uncle and cousins to tell him that I want to see him. They told me that he was too hurt by my behavior and has no desire to get in touch. Am I wrong to try to re-enter his life? Should I just leave him alone?

<<<Should I just leave him alone?>>>

Is he giving you a choice?

The poster should write an email stating what she said to Prudence and include her apologies for what happened in that past, send it. Hopefully, that is enough closure if BD still doesn't respond.

Some persons are more forgiving than others, I am not very forgiving so I wouldn't encourage or discourage BD from making contact but I wouldn't want to be part of the reconnection, since 'booby traps' were set for my child and me but this person.

I thought this was a tough one.  I'm of the opinion that being a parent doesn't automatically instill into you rights to a relationship with the child under certain situations; therefore, the same must be true in reverse.  There are ways to overstep, and then there are ways to try to kill someone.  This kid sounded severely out of control.  I didn't see anything in the letter that suggested BD had done one thing to deserve the treatment he got at the hands of a hormonal teen.

Having said that, she's done what she can to reestablish the relationship.  BD is aware of her feelings/desires, but still she has no "right" to a relationship just 'cause she's sorry now.  It's up to BD to decide how much he can forgive and when.  Not her timetable.