Stepmoms / Bio Moms Debate

Ladies,

I've lurked on this board for months.. mostly because it's so active & i'm a SM & BM.  My SS is 19 and has never lived with us.  My DH moved out on Monday.  The relationship has been disfunctional for a long time. We have two DD.  It came as somewhat of a shock (even though the relationship was not good) and he just packed up & left while the kids were at school.. I was home sick from work.

I changed the locks on the house (he wants to come & go like he pleases.. um NOPE) and spoke to a lawyer about my rights.  He claims he'll still pay half of the household expenses (mortgage, utilities, etc.)  That remains to be seen. 

Is there anything else that I should be doing?  I can't afford to file for a divorce at the moment.  The lawyer wants a $2,500 retainer.. which I don't have.

I know this isn't a support board and this isn't a BD sucks post.. i'm asking ppl that have BTDT.  Have I done all that I can/should do at this point?  Am I missing something critical?

I would get some free consultations.  Many lawyers offer them.  An hour consult for free.  It would be a good starting point anyway.  After that, as long as he is playing nice, I recommend keeping the lawyers out of it (I would say that, right guys??)  The best settlement is one you both agree to.  I suggest talking to him and seeing if he would be willing to draft a settlement of sorts that you can both sign.  A schedule for visitation, CS amount, agreements about household expenses, division of property, anything you can think of.

Then, polish up your halo.  You want to be on your very best behavior during this separation period.  Offer him ample access to the kids, don't try to obstruct.  Document every visit, every phone call.  Dot your i's and cross your t's.

Good luck.

I did the free consultation with a lawyer over the phone.  He gave me some of the same advice... place nice, keep it civil and see what he does.  I won't keep him from the kids and he's picked them up twice since he left.  I'm hoping we can keep the lawyers out of it and come to a mutual agreement on everything.

thanks for the advice! 

I didn't know I could do that without a lawyer.  I'm going to research that now.  Only issue, I don't want to "piss" him off.  Does that make sense?  I know he has to pay CS but i think I may wait to see what he does on his own first before I press the envelope.

I'm so not... a sit back and wait type of person, but I'm thinking maybe I should for a minute.  UGH, this sucks!