The Parent Toolbox

I need help. My oldest ds is extremely gifted beyond his years smart, but has with all that has the intensity & behavior problems beyond what most people can handle. His teacher had told me that she usually gets the difficult kids b/c she's really good with them, but she's at a loss with him. I made some suggestions to her, & things seemed to be improving. She started giving him the option of starting the lesson with the class, moving ahead while they are working & then he gets to choose to do something he would rather do b/c he finishes so fast & that was when the behavior problems start.

I've been trying the NHA at home. Alone as my dh won't read the book. It's exhausting. I've noticed he is very high needs with the attention & the more I give, the more he needs & I have 2 other kids 3 & 7 months & I'm home with all of them by myself most of the time. With all that, I felt like we were making some progress. He had had a really good week & earned a "self managers" badge (something they get for not getting more than 2 marks) & was so proud.

But today, was awful. This morning was pretty hectic & I know I wasn't as patient has I could have been. I don't know what got him sent to the principal's office but they just called & are sending him home with a police escort b/c the principal thinks he needs to see this is bigger than mom & principal. I was really stunned, so I didn't say anything. The principal didn't even know why he was sent to the office b/c he wouldn't speak to him & he said that DS had spit in his face & while I was on the phone, DS hung up the phone. He told the principal he wants to be suspended.

SO WHAT DO I DO NOW? Obviously, this behavior deserves some sort of community service to be performed. In the past, when he got sent home, he was sent to his room (with nothing in it) for the time that he was suppose to be in school & then got no privileges afterward. Sometimes he took but a lot of times that just led to a lot of energy by me trying to keep him in his room. What do I do? I'm kind of wondering if our parent/teacher conference last night didn't kind of set him back. It wasn't anything bad (it was parent/teacher conferences for the whole school, but we did spend some time the things we were both doing to help the situation. I HATE having him present for those conversations, but I had no where to take him & his siblings.

Any advice on how I should proceed today & this weekend since today is Friday?

Hi and welcome to the board.  I'm happy that you've started using the Approach in your home and there is some communication between you and the school.

A couple of things -- how long have you been using the approach.  Are you solely using it with your son?  What about the other kids?  I know that it can seem terribly overwhelming at first, but, hang in there.  It is certainly worth the effort.

Consider some community service today -- I noticed your post in another forum and have your son write letters of apology to his teacher, the principal, the vice principal and the officer who brought him home.  I would also consider sharing some information with the school regarding the Nurtured Heart Approach when you do go in for your meeting.  Be sure to share what is working at home in regards to the Approach and you can note that we do have an educators version of the Approach available.  There is a page that shares lots of information you are free to print out in the School Connection folder here.  It's an excellent resource and has been used by lots of parents here. 

I would contact the school, and talk to the teacher today and see what precipitated his removal.  Has he been suspended before?

Stay the course, ramp up the recognitions and be sure to add those attachments of greatness you're seeing.  Do whole family acknowledgements too.  If you have the credit system in place already, you  may want to tweak some of your ways to earn to include behaviors at school.  Take a peek at the behavior charts in the books (or in the toolbox threads here) and discuss with the teacher some of the things your son does do well in the classroom making sure they are listed and add a couple that he could use some work on.  If you'd prefer not to use a behavior chart, consider a weekly email with the teacher.  The focus of the email should be on what is going well -- and how he can be recognized for those things at home and in the classroom, etc. 

Hope this helps a bit.  Again, welcome to the board and hope you'll be back soon to share an update and some GREATNESSes of your own!