[Warning: This post talks about my visit to see my new nephew!]
Hi Ladies!!!
I think I'm ready to get back on the track again! Many of you might not know me, I haven't been posting since May when my first IVF failed. Before that I had been trying to conceive for two and 1/2 years, and during that time I did 3 Clomid cycles and then 4 IUIS with injectables. Since May I've been really depressed, and my husband too. We just stopped trying altogether, and actually just started building a house just to change the conversation and to be able to tell something to people who still ask when we are going to have kids (I can't believe they still don't get it!)
We've gone through a lot of ups and downs, and last month decided to check out adopting. Well, we were floored when we received the packet that guided us through the adoption process. I couldn't believe it! It brought up all that depression to the surface again, and I just decided that I was done with the kid thing. Maybe God just wants me to be a career woman. I should just go get my MBA, and throw myself head first into a time consuming profession and just forget that I ever wanted kids.
Then something beautiful happened. My nephew was born. I was so dreading having to go to the hospital. I didn't know what I would do. Would I cry? Would I be angry? But there is something magical about a baby. His name is Kyle Patrick, and he is beautiful.
That night, my brother asked me to spend the night at his house with his other two so he could be in the hospital with his wife and newborn. I agreed of course. My niece and nephew are great kids, and it was fun getting them up this morning and taking them to school. I realized that I wanted kids. I couldn't give up on my dream yet.
Yes, it's harder for me. It's not fair. But I guess I'm passed that phase now. I accept that I have to work 20 times harder for something that seems to come so easily to others. But I can't think about that now. I have to focus on my goals, and work toward those and the particular challenges in front of me.
So I've turned a corner, and I'm back on the infertility journey again. I don't know if I'll be as active a member as I was last year, but I'll be around asking for help and support, and giving it to all of you wonderful ladies!!
I was so excited to see there have been so many BFPs! I hope there are more to come.
Hello! I am sorry to hear about all you have gone through this year but wanted to say hi and that although I wish neither of us faced IF, it is nice to see you again and see that you are going to be back trying again!! I wish you the best and I hope that this time, your stay with us is short & sweet!!!
*** PRAYING FOR A STICKY BFP ***
Me (37) and DH (37)
IVF #1: Feb/Mar 2009 BFN.
FET #1: May 2009 Chemical Pregnancy.
IUI/Injectables #1: Jul/Aug 2009 Chemical Pregnancy.
IUI/Injectables #2: Oct/Nov 2009 IUI Cancelled = ( Hoping for a miracle the natural way. Beta scheduled for 11/10/09.
Welcome back, KJ! It sounds like you and DH have been through alot of ups and downs in the past few months, but I'm glad you're joining us again. How are you guys acclimating to being back in the states?
DX in 2003 with Graves disease, RAI treatment 7/03, now managed hypothyroid.
DX with Stage IV endo in 12/07, laprascopy 2/08.
IUI #1 (Clomid) 9/08 - BFP. Lost at 6w3d, D&E in 12/08.
Hysteroscopy in 2/09 to remove polyps.
IUI #2 (Injectables) 3/09 - BFN
IUI #3 (Injectables) 4/09 - BFN
IUI #3 (Injectables) 5/09 - BFN
IVF #1 (EPP Antagonist Protocol) 6/09. 15 days of high stimming, just one follie. Egg retrieved, beautiful HIP 8-cell, grade 1 embie at 3-day transfer. BFN
BFP July 2009 - a shocker of a natural pregnancy. Great betas, perfect 8-week u/s. At first OB appt on 9/9/09, found out there was no longer a h/b. D&E on 9/11/09. Chromosomal analysis inconclusive, assuming chromosomal issues again.
Excisional breast biopsy for atypical hyperplastic cells found on earlier biopsy - 9/24/09. Results negative (the good kind of negative).
Next up:
Post-m/c Saline Sonogram.
December 2009 IVF #2 - EPP Protocol again, swapping 450 Gonal-f/150 Menopur for 300/300, along with requisite Ganirelix.
Karna, I have thought of you often in your absence and am very glad to see this update post from you. It is so hard to keep slugging it out against infertility over the years, but the thought of living a child-free life just doesn't work for so many of us. I hope that you and Dh can find a way to make your dream of having a family come true.
I understand what you mean about acceptance that it is so hard. But sometimes you can win even when you're dealt a terrible hand.
As for me, I think I'm doing pretty well emotionally, considering. Just found out today that my latest pregnancy (result of IUI w/ donor sperm) is also failing...RE said to stop the progesterone. We are still on the waiting list for donor embryo since my last failed IVF back in June of this year ( we were told it might take about a year), and plan to keep trying however we can afford to with my own eggs and donor sperm until then.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It can just take some time.
- Jenna, 41, DH 38 TTC since September '06 with MFI. 3 failed unmedicated IUI's with DH sperm, 1 failed IUI with injects with DH sperm, IVF #1 BFN, FET BFP but M/c week 5, IVF#2 BFP m/c week 7, IUI with injects and donor sperm: probable chemical pg. 1 failed unmedicated DS/IUI. Started BCP's 7/30 for IVF #3, ER 9/10, ET 9/15, Beta 9/24 results 9/25. BFP, Twins. Lost 1st twin at 9-10 weeks, lost second twin at 16 weeks 12/17/08. Attempted IUI #4 converted to DS/DH IUI April 09 at my request, BFP and M/c. IVF #4 June 09 BFN. DS-IUI w/injects 7/6/09, BFN. Hysteroscopic myomectomy to remove fibroid 7/29/09.
Hi! I've been very depressed throughout this whole process too, especially as friends and co-workers get pregnant. I have decided to embrace the whole process as something that is going to take awhile. I felt awful and depressed when my first IVF cycle didn't work. But once the hormones were out of me, I FELT physically better and took on some projects around the house....now we're on a FET cycle. I am making sure I have plenty to look forward to (parties, beach trips, etc.) whether it works or not. :-) This is what helps me get through it!
