That this is the end of our ttc road. We decided that we are going to start the process of adoption. I had a MAJOR moment yesterday at church and am finally ready to move on and start this next chapter! You girls have been amazing and my biggest support through all of this and I cant imagine how I would have gotten through this with all of you! For those of you on my facebook we have not really told anyone yet so until you see me post about it if you could not say anything Id appreciate it! :)
Throughtout all of our fertility treatments we have always said we would do IVF before adoption. Then we took a step back a couple of months ago and decided to try something else. It of course didnt work out and it has become so clear to me really since yesterday at church why we have had to go through all of this pain and hurt was because had I prayed and gotten the answer that we were to adopt 4 years ago I would have always had that desire to be pregnant and have a bio child and could never really face this without having gone through it. It was like all of a sudden yesterday I was at total peace and knew right then and there that I had no desire to do IVF and that adoption is not our "last" resort. It really is what we are being called to do. And I think because we didnt pursue IVF we no longer have the feeling that this is all we have left but rather this is the option that has been right there all along. Im not sure if that makes a whole lot of sense.
I have been struggling so much in the last week with such negitive thoughts of everyone gets to stay pregnant and have their kids and I just get to lose all of mine. And just so bitter and angry towards friends who are pregnant (i know 11 people due next year so far). I bawled through the whole church service yesterday and it just hit me that I have to give up all of this. I have to give up my desire to be pregnant because that doesnt define me in becoming a mom. That isnt the only way that I will be a mom. And since then I have not felt this great in a LONG time. My period came yesterday and normally I would be jumping on the phone for my next months plan with the doctor and instead I really have no desire to do that. Its never been clearer why I have gone through so much in the last 4 years.
I cant wait to share my journey with you guys and cant wait to see when ALL of us become moms one way or another! :)
Me (April): 26 DH: 27 TTC #1 with RE since Oct 07;
1/06 Took myself Off Birthcontrol, 10/07 1st RE apt, 12/07 SA good, HSG all clear, B/W all good, 1/08 Clomid only 50mg 5-9, 2/08 Clomid, Ultrasound & Trigger shot, 3/08/ 4/08 Clomid 100mg 5-9, U/s, Trigger, IUI #1 (4/1)4/15/08 BFP, 5/27 no heartbeat detected (had seen it at previous u/s), 6/5 finally started m/c, 6/6 D&C after 12 hours of m/c,
End of 7/08 Clomid 100mg 5-9, U/S, Trigger, IUI#2, 8/08 Clomid 100mg 5-9, U/S, Trigger, IUI #3, 9/08 Clomid 150mg 5-9, U/S, Trigger, IUI#4, 10/08 Clomid 150mg 3-9, U/S, Trigger, IUI #5, 11/9, 11/11, 11/12 BFP on home test, 11/13 Beta #1 BFP!! , 11/17 Beta #2 Levels dropped. Begain M/c again.
11/20 Post m/c apt/blood work/what to do next apt, 12/2 1st official RE apt at Mayo Clinic!! Officially dx with PCOS, 12/11 blood work from RE good except prediabetic range on 3hr glucose test, 1/09 Gonal F 150units, U/S, Trigger, IUI #6 BFN, 2/09 TTC naturally (72 day cycle with provera),5/1/09 Gonal F 112.5IU, Trigger, IUI #7 BFN. Gonal F 112.5IU, Trigger, IUI #8 5/29 BFN, IUI #9 BFN. November 1st we decided to start the adoption process and are SO excited for this new adventure!
