Two- and Three-Year-Olds

My husband has a 2 1/2 yo son that lives in another state. We have seen him twice in the past few months and both times leave him very concerned.

The mother has been arrested twice since his birth DM and felony neglect (leaving him unattended the report says all the time), both charges were dismissed

We are worried because the first time we got him we noticed scars one down his cheek over an inch long and what appears to be a healed cigarrette size scar on his back, also he is very skinny and was extremely hungry from minute one shoving food in his little mouth handfuls at a time. He never asked or cried for his mommy even once in the 3 days we had him.

The most recent time we had him he would not even give her a hug goodbye, this time we had him 4 days, would not talk on the phone with her covering his ears and kicking the phone away, when she called again he held the phone yelling no and began rocking back and forth. On the last day of our visit getting him ready to go home he said he did not want to go home he did not want to see his mom, thinking it would change when he got there, but it didn't he still did not hug her but did not want us to leave.

This is just a very few things not wanting to make this long but reasons that make us very concerned because these are the only 2 times he has seen us ever because my husband did not know about him until recently yet it seems he is more secure with us and both times went with us willingly.

I have 2 children myself 11 and 14, at that age there was no way I could ever leave them, especially with someone they did not know. They would scream and cry the second I stepped away. And for a day or more it would not happen. Maybe I am just a different mother, we hug and say I love you before school and work still to this day. I just can't image not having a bond like that with my children.

Please tell me is there a reason for concern.

That just breaks my heart.  Is there anyway you could get custady of him.  It really sounds like you have a lot to be worried about.  There is no way I'd leave someone I was related to in a situtation like that sounds like without a fight.  When my niece was younger I tried to get her (she was about 9 or 10 though) to come live with me because she was being neglected but she didn't want to leave her younger sisters and they weren't related to me so I had not legal grounds to try and get them.  She was also old enough to fend for herself to some degree and the neglect we could see wasn't nearly as bad as what you are describing.  My brother also wanted her to move in with him, but he was afraid that forcing her to leave her other siblings would do more damage then the neglect of his exwife.  Sadly we found out later that she was being abused even though we never saw any signs of that and she never told us.  If I knew where her ex step father was now I'd be in jail.

I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do everything I could to get any child out of a situtation like that.  Please let us know what happens.  I am just so sad after reading this.   I wish I could rush right over and take him out of that house. 

Thank you for all of your responses, I was truely afraid that maybe I was just being a little over concerned.

My husband did file for custody as soon as we found out about the arrest several months ago. Yet getting no where but broke. DCF was involved after the 2nd arrest, my husband was never contacted about any of this and we found out on our own about the reason for the arrest and that the child was removed for only 3 days then returned to her. They then closed their case when the state dismissed their case against her, as the prosecutor told my husband because the car stopped and did not hit him when in the road so the child was not injured.

In the process of the case we have found out alot the mother is involved in illegally with documented proof, endangering my husband's son mentally and physically. We have given all of this to our attorney that seems to be just sitting on it. We have contacted therapist and other attorneys but thinking someone has to have a heart to help us or advise us in any way but no luck everyone want the mighty dollar which we are running out of quickly spending 2k a month average on the current attorney. We don't have another 5k to retain a new one so we sit back and hope that someone will realize we are trying to do the right thing.

So again, I thank you all for your comments, keep us in your prayers please.