40- and 50-Something Parents

I just wanted to know if anyone on here had kids with an older man and if they were over 40. I am 41 my fiance is 50 and I would like to have one more child. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage ages 13,10 and 7. I have been reading some scary stuff on the internet about older moms and dads having a harder time having healthy kids. I need some positive stories if there are any out there?

 Thanks

I haven't posted on this board for a couple of years but I was just kind of lurking past when I saw your post and thought I'd toss in my two cents. I was 29 and DH was 45 when we got married, thirty years ago next April. Neither of us had been married before or had any kids and we really hoped to have a family. It took awhile...we never knew why...but I finally got pregnant the good old fashioned way and we had our DD, now 25, and 2 1/2 years later had our DS, now 22. DH was 52 and I almost 37 when DS was born and I remember him saying, "OMG, I will be 70 when he's graduating from high school." I said, "You'll be 70 anyway...we might as well enjoy it!" And so we did. Both of them turned out splendidly and they have brought us tremendous joy. Neither has ever indicated in any way that they somehow got a raw deal because they had **older parents.**DH says having the kids kept him young...he's 74 now, trim, fit, healthy and he gets carded for the senior citizen discount - LOL! DD is a teacher and engaged to be married, DS works construction and they're just totally nice people...so if anyone asks me, I say, "Go for it...as long as you remember it's a life sentence!" LOL!   Good luck!

Sue

Welcome and thanks for posting to our board.  I'm Mary, cl of the board, and Mom to four adult sons; 29, 26, 24, and 20.  I turned 40 in September and my youngest was born in November of 1988.  I got pregnant with him following a miscarriage and 20 years ago the doc was a bit concerned about the age factor.  We discussed the possibility of an amnio but he informed me that there was the possibility of a miscarriage and I decided that no matter what the outcome of the amnio would be I would still carry the baby to term and wasn't risking a miscarriage.  My husband is six years older than me but that really hasn't had any negative impact on our lives other than the possibility of delaying retirement. 

If you are really intent on another baby I'd sit down and discuss it with your doctor and get his or her input. 

Keep us posted on how things are going. 

Hi

This is my first time posting...I recently checked out the site after finding out we were pregant.  I totally understand where you are coming from and I would love to hear some positive stories too. I am going to be 40 in December and also have children from a previous marriage.  My daughter is 14 and son is 12.  I was married to an alcoholic for 18 years and finally broke free last year.  I have met and married a wonderful man who is 28 and doesn't have children.  Of course that was one of the first things we talked about - his desire to have a child of his own.  He loves mine like his own, but we both wanted to share the experience of having a child together.  I was willing from the beginning, but always scared to find out if it would be possible to conceive at my age.  I was very concerned about Down's Syndrome, which is really the only increased defect risk for older parents. I even had people at work tell me that I shouldn't even think of conceiving at my age...that I was too old and it would be dangerous!  I visited my OBGYN in the summer and she told me not to worry and not to expect any problems. She is 42 and has a 2 year old, so that helped put my mind at ease.  I did a lot of soul searching and research and finally decided that if God wanted us to have a baby we would.  Long story short, we were married this fall and conceived during our second month of trying.  I know that all women over 35 won't necessarily conceive right away, but it is def possible and so worth trying for.  If you look up Down's on webMd you can read about the risk of having a child with Down's later in life.  There's about a 90% chance that everything will be fine.  Those are pretty good odds.  I am due in July and of course I am nervous, but I feel so blessed to have been able to create a life with my husband and add to our family!  My advice to you is to see your doctor and trust your instincts.  Good luck with your family!

My very limited understanding is it's worse if you didn't have kids prior to turning 35/40.  I don't know if the man's age is near as relevant as the woman's.  My MIL had her oops at 42; she had 7 prior.  My oldest SIL had her 2nd at 42; her older one was 7 at the time.  No problems for either one.  My mom had me at 35 (I'm an only); she had issues, but then she lost 3 prior, starting at age 23, so it was more a personal issue than age.  I have friends who had kids in their late 30's; no issues.  I'd say go to your OB and get checked out and see if there are any possible things they note up front so you can find out what you may be up against - I had my ds at 33, but had trouble getting pregnant; but my OB was able to clear that up (infection that we didn't know about).  Best of luck.

Sue