Hello, I'm new here and my 12 yr old son has been diagnosed with ADHD. He also just diagnosed with "lazy eye". through my research, I've discovered that lazy eye can cause a child to exhibit the exact same symptoms of ADHD and are often misdiagnosed with ADHD. There is so much research and articles out there, on both, it's just overwhelming and I am giving myself a headache. I've been in near constant contact with his teachers and guidance counselor. His grades aren't bad really, because we started working with him right at the start of the school year. It's his forgetfulness that is the worst part of all this. Forgets to turn homework in, doesn't have any (yeah right), already did it (sometimes true). His attitude is the other difficult portion. We've set up strict schedules at home we stick to, yet even though it's homework time, he needs a snack, has to pet the cat, has to hold the other cat, needs to get a drink, wants to talk, says he can't do the work without help. UGH!!
Can I get some advice on what other parents do that works to help alleviate the symptoms in the child and the stress between the parents? We've chosen to try behavioral modification and vitamin supplements and use medication as an absolute last resort. Thanks!
The forgetfulness part: mine (also 12) has a agenda book (school hands them out to everyone) & all the assignments have to be written in that. Family rule is that he then has to make a list for himself as soon as he gets home, listing all the homework, parts of projects, music practice that he has to do that night. We check sometimes with the agenda, of course. Having HIM make the list--not us constantly checking up on him, reminding, etc., made a huge difference for us. Suddenly, he knew what had to be done, and it wasn't constant nagging. He got the responsibility, he could tell what he had left to do.
Handing stuff in is another issue for my kid--what we're trying now is putting colored post-it flags on stuff to be handed in, at least for the subjects where it's a problem. Works somewhat, at least.
We waited a long time to try meds. before we started them we would have DS come home and run the dog around the block, have a snack and sit (LOL ...really he would stand) at table to do homework. I would stay right there with him to be sure he got it done. The hard part about ADHD is you really can't hold them accountable for something they truly can't do. We would just try to anticipate DS needs and help him follow through.
DS had major problems forgetting homework or what he is supposed to do with something. That's one reason we had to try the med (not saying it right for your DS) It just we couldn't rely on his teacher to always make sure he had everything. Does DS have an assignment book? or maybe he could have his teachers sign off saying he does or doesn't have homework.
My DH was for meds. because he has Adult ADD, I was not happy about it but DH said it's not something we have to keep giving him if it doesn't work for him...I have been amazed. His teacher says he asks questions and does things with out being told...Like filling out his assignment notebook and bringing it home!!
Honestly I don't know how we kept the stress down between everyone. We would just try to understand how he must feel. It's very frustrating to want to do something or please someone and not have the focus to do it. The constant disappointment was to much for his self-esteem. That's when we knew it was time to try the med.
Thank you both for your replies. Yes, he has an assignment book. He doesn't always write in it, but he's starting to get better at it. He has one teacher who seems to understand what we are going through has started to check to see if DS has written everything down at the end of the day. The teachers also post all assignments on a website daily, so even if he forgets, I have the information anyway.
Last night was kind of tough. We couldn't do his math assignment. Not even my DH or I could figure it out. So, it went back to school today blank. I hated to do that, but I didn't know what else to do! I did email the teacher this morning to let her know how hard we all tried and asked her if the teacher in my DS study hall could help him with the assignment today. Late yes, and he probably won't get credit for the work, but at least he'll understand the concepts.
I'm trying to learn to pick my battles with him. He blatantly refused to brush his teeth this morning. Normally teeth brushing isn't an issue, so why today?? Of course, we're all running around in the AM trying to get out the door, so today, I just didn't argue. I figured it wasn't worth ruining his entire day, (or mine).
I've also noticed, we cannot have visitors of any kind during homework time. I walked in last night from DD tumbling class with her best friend and the girl's mother. (DD wanted to show them her homecoming dress). Homework went immediately out the window and there was no redirecting him back until they left. Same thing happened 2 weeks ago when my parents popped in. I've told my parents they cannot come over during homework time. They understand, especially after the display they saw while they were there.
I guess my next question to people would be this. If you're trying to combat this without meds, how long was it before you saw any improvements by utilizing alternative methods? What worked? What didn't?
Sorry to jump in late here, but I just saw this. My just turned 13 year old is exactly the same way. Has a planner but can he actually write assignments in it? Has a different colored folder for each class with one side for things to do & one for ready to be turned in, but do the finished things get turned in? My son has a study skills class every day (this year it's his last class of the day & that is working better than last year when it was middle of the day). Homework time is almost impossible some days at our house with him. The distractions are too many to count. I can't even leave the screen saver on on the computer - I have to turn the monitor off or he will just stare at it! I can totally sympathize with you on how he completely lost focus when someone comes into the house-same thing happens here. Other than just giving him the mental break & then reigning him back in, there isn't much you can do to control it.
On a side note, we went with the strict schedule, diet changes, behavior modification, everything we could find to do-for about 4 years before we finally did decide to use meds for our son. It simply got bad enough (for both him & us) by age 9 that we knew he needed something that we couldn't provide.
