Hi Jenn.
You just EXACTLY described my son. The only difference is that his defiant behaviour is only at school. I can take him shopping with me and I have no problems at home. DS is ADHD combined type (and gifted) with no ODD identified.
He has trouble lining up...doesn't like to wait his turn. And if things don't go his way he bolts out of the classroom. I have had to do 3 parent withdrawals (these don't go on his record) in the last 7 school days.
He also now knows if he doesn't like the way the day is going he just acts out and gets to go home.
I have my son on bifentin (a long acting ritalin - only available in Canada) and I don't see it helping much with the impulsiveness. However, when DS isn't at school I don't need him on meds as he is easily controlled outside of the school environment. He does karate after school and has few issues and the meds are worn off by the time he goes.
I think I'm in the school's speed dial. The VP just loves to hit my button on a daily basis.
If you ever need someone to bounce ideas off of in the exact same boat feel free to email me through my profile.
In terms of the Explosive Child. This is the method that our school uses. Or at least that they say they use. They don't properly use the Ross Greene approach and often allow a blow up before they figure out the collaborative problem solving.
I feel for you. It's a good thing I have a good sense of humour with all of this.
Tracy....still smiling :o)