Adoption

I really don't know what section to post this in. I'm going nuts cause I miss my boy's so much. I had a 5 year old and a baby boy that was born January 2nd of this year. I signed the papers to place them for adoption about a month ago. I didn't have the resources anymore to take care of them and felt like a terrible mommy and like I could never give them what they needed and deserved so I did what I felt was best for them. I was trying to make an unselfish decision by giving them up for adoption, but I'm hurting so badly over the loss of my boy's. I love them more than anything on this earth and it just hurts so much. In my heart I feel like they died but in my brain I know that they didn't. I am doing everything I can to just move on and keep busy so I don't think about them every second of every day. Anyone else given their child or children up for adoption. How did you deal with it? How do I move past this and be ok with not having my children. I know I'm young cause I just turned 28 and can always have another one some day but it just won't be the same. I want my boy's but I know I'm not whats best for them.

Stephanie

I am so sorry that you are suffering so. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I have no constructive advice to offer, as I am just beginning the process of adoption, but wanted to offer my support. It might be helpful for you to speak with a therapist. Someone who can help you get through this difficult time. Perhaps there is a community mental health organization in your area you can contact. If your children were placed through an agency, do they offer counseling? I do hope that you find some peace.

I am so sorry you are hurting like this :(

Do you work through an agency? Do they have counseling?
Do you have an open adoption? Can you visit with your boys?

I don't have tons of advice....but you are in my prayers.

Dec 08- Turned in application.
March 09- Met former potential b-mom
May 09- matched with former potential b-mom
July 7th, 09- approved and passed our homestudy
July 24th, 09- complications with former potential b-mom and said no to the situation.
Aug 11th 09- turned in our profile so we can be shown
Now we're waiting................

Stephanie. (((((HUGS))))))

Your heart is broken and of COURSE you miss your boys.  Although I guess you made this decision to provide the best situation for your boys, it doesn't mean it wasn't the toughest thing you will do and it doesn't mean it was easy or pain free.  For you, it is a profound loss that you will need time and support to properly grieve. 

You said it has only been a month since you placed them into their adoptive home.  So, I'd tell you to keep seeing the therapist and keep open communications with your friends who are supportive.  It will take time so stick with the therapy. 

Unless there was severe neglect or abuse, I don't understand why you can't see your boys, or at least have a semi-open adoption?  Can you write letters to the boys to help with your feelings?  Even if you can't send them, the act of putting things down in letters to them, or a journal may help you work thru this difficult time. 

I am so sorry for your loss.  Please stick around so we can offer support to help you thru this time.