Advanced Toddlers & Preschoolers

Hi,
I am struggling to 'define' my son, and find ways to nurture and encourage him to best suit his needs. He's just gone two and a bit and I would say he is 'bright' he can do very simple math, most colours, knows that red and blue make purple, very empathatic can tell if people are happy/sad and tries to fix it, loves to count sight read etc. I haven't 'taught' him these things but he surprises me everyday with what he knows.

The thing is this has all come on in the last few months...for the first 18 months he seemed very slow to the other mothers around me, it took him ages to walk, and I got lots of whispers etc. in playgroups etc. that there was possibly something wrong with him I know that they thought might have been autistic even though after consideration I don't think he is.

Instead of joining in he would watch from the sidelines and seem to analyse it all in minute detail. He's not spontaneous, he doesn't like singing,dancing,music groups at all, like most toddlers, instead he'll be sorting and fixing and counting his cars. He does like to socialise but only on his own terms.

I guess It just bugs me that people 'feel sorry' for him, and think that there is something not right with him. Is there any kind of disorders etc. that match his behaviour that I should be aware of, and any ideas on how to deal with the other judgmental mothers out there... ???

I don't think it sounds as if there is anything "wrong" with you son, however, if you are truly concerned, I would definitely bring him into a pediatrician for evaluation.

He certainly sounds very bright and insightful to me! Some children, especially gifted children, can tend to sit back and soak everything in. As long as he's growing and thriving, I would just listen to your mommy intuition.

In any case, he sounds like a sharp boy. I hope you'll stay and post with us!

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Hi there. I just wanted to say that your son sounds a lot like my nephew in temperament. I wouldn't say my nephew is 'gifted' but he is a average to bright child depending on the topic. :) But the standing back, late walker (didn't crawl till 11 months, didn't walk till 13). That sounds like him. My nephew is 4 now and still, if he sees other kids on the playground he will announce that "it's full" and that he doesn't want to play. Even if it's just two kids. He loves to play hockey and soccer with daddy but refuses to join in on a kid team.

I should say though, that at 4 he has friends. He goes to preschool and loves it. He's just very, very quiet outside of the house. And there is totally nothing wrong with him. :)

I would also trust your instincts. If he is engaging with YOU at least. Making eye contact in general and all that good stuff, I wouldn't worry about autism.

A lot of gifted kids are slow in the beginning. Many parents have no clue their kid is advanced till they hit school age.

That really sucks about the whispers. I don't have too much advice with that as I watch my parents whisper about my nephew. They 'feel sorry' for him as well. My son is the opposite of him which just makes my nephews shyness stand out more. Just be his advocate and don't worry too much. My only advice in general is not to try and change his main temperament. I can't make my kid need to run around LESS. It's not going to happen. I can take him for evening walks...long ones...and then we both feel better. You can't make your kid be more out going than he is.

My sister is currently working on social skills with her son. If someone says hi you at least need to smile at them and perhaps give a small wave. Scowling and hiding is not unacceptable and hurts their feelings. Especially if it's grandma. ;) That kind of thing. I have to stop my kid from hugging strangers. Pah...they all have something. :)

Hi there, I'm an alum of this board.I just stopped by to see if this board was still active. I have gifted children aged 9 and 12. I'm also a preschool teacher.

I do understand the pity you get from others. My oldest was very unusual as an infant/toddler. She was very serious and focused.... even the delivery nurses noticed it. She needed a lot of privacy and space. She didn't like many people outside the family and the feeling seemed to be mutual. Now that she's 12, people adore her for the very traits that turned them off when she was little. DD ended up developing excellent social skills over the years. Her focus and maturity have given her one amazing opportunity after another that she simply would not have had if she weren't as focused as she is.

I'm not around your son so I don't really know what others think they are seeing. There could be an issue, I don't know. Many gifted kids do share traits with certain disorders. If it's something YOU are concerned about, get him looked at. However, don't do it because of some playgroup moms. Playgroup moms felt sorry for my DD because she wasn't interested in math and reading to herself as a preschooler (and yet, when they all started kindie, DD was downing several 5th grade level chapter books a week and plowing through years worth of mat curriculum in a matter of weeks lol.) I get 3 or 4 perfectly normal kids in my preschool each year that agree with your son's opinion of the practice.

Hi!  This is my first time on this board, so my opinion comes from a degree in Early Childhood Development, 17 years of preschool and being the mother of a 4 y.o.  I'm not sure if you are aware, but there are very many different steps on the Autism/Asperger's spectrum.  If your son falls on that spectrum, I would think he would be diagnosed as high funtioning Asperger's.  I worked w/ kids all over the spectrum over the years and loved every one of them. 

That being said, my daughter has always been slower in gross motor function (sitting up, crawling, didn't walk until 14.5 mos, just learned to climb a ladder last month).  However, she could speak clearly at 9 mos and is now reading at maybe a second grade level (she just turned 4 less than a month ago).  So,  all kids develop at their own pace!  Love him for who he is. 

BTW my daughter is the same way about people and their emotions.  Always has been.