Breastmilk vs. Formula Debate

Hi everyone!  Sorry I haven't been around much, just the usual insanity.  But I trust you ladies and I am in kind of an odd situation, so I'm looking for some opinions.  Nothing to do with bf/ff.

Last night I found out that an acquaintence from law school committed suicide.  It will sound weird if I say I'm not upset about it, because in a general way I am.  But we mostly knew each other through mutual friends and hadn't spoken since school (he graduated in 2002, I in 2003).  He did have lunch with DH occasionally and was very close with a mutual friend, so I know they're both pretty broken up. 

In any case, I know another friend of ours would want to know.  She hasn't spoken to him since school either AFAIK, but dated one of his best friends for a long time and was close with him in school.  But she and I, though we do consider ourselves close friends, haven't spoken in about a month (our usual pattern, we go a while without talking but when we do it's like we've spoken every day for years).  How do I tell her?  It seems really strange to e-mail or call out of the blue and be like, "Hi, how are you, how's it going moving in with your boyfriend, and oh BTW, Todd killed himself two weeks ago."  KWIM?  Any ideas?

  

 

 

That is awkward. But it's not necessarily an easy thing to figure out the right words even if you were all close. I remember my mom driving around with my grandma and taking, must have been an hour, to figure out how to tell us my dad had died, I don't have any idea how she worked suicide into it. I don't know if that helps, to consider it can be awkward period, and that sometimes you just have to spit it out even if it doesn't feel right.

Maybe a phone call would be better. I'd let her know up front the reason you are calling, making small talk first might come across as disingenuous. Then just say it, maybe "I wanted to make sure you had heard the news...." would work. Then I imagine the conversation will naturally take it's own course, you can save the "been meaning to call you how are other things...." for last.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.

Well, a phone call from you wouldn't be considered strange, so if it were me, I'd call her. Ask how she is, etc. (Maybe she'll ask you if *you'd* heard about Todd!) After a minute, tell her "the real reason I'm calling is because I thought you would want to know...I have some sad news. Todd passed away." I wouldn't even mention the suicide at first, let her process the death. (maybe at that point she'd tell you she already knew, and you wouldn't have to tell her the worst). Then, tell her "well unfortunately it gets worse, apparently he committed suicide."

That's just what I'd do.

I'm sorry about your friend. It's so sad to hear that anyone would feel this is an answer. All it does is raise more questions for those left behind.

Hope you're doing well, Emily!

 

I agree with the others about a phone call.  You might phrase it like "I was wondering if you heard about Todd and I was concerned about you."  Things like this tend to bring people together and she would probably like hearing from you.

Good luck--its a hard thing to talk about.  I'm sorry to hear about your friend--that's so sad.