discussion title:
More Pain and Humiliation
As if finding out that my DH was watching online porn wasn't bad enough, have recently found more details. They aren't good. My father passed away in Feb, and I had to travel out of town several times, first for the funeral, then several more times to help pack up my parents' house. You all know what happened when I was gone. He stayed home, supposedly to look after the kids, so that I could visit with my sisters, but he had another reason. Then, during the Easter holiday, we had planned another family trip to celebrate Easter and spend time together as a family. At the last moment, he had to stay home. Apparently that was so he could indulge his porn addiction, but also so that he could flirt with my staff. I think flirt was all he did, but I do know he was telling quite a few lies to make himself look good. I do not know how bad this is going to get before all the lies are found out.
He is away on a business trip at the moment, and has been emailing me that he loves me, and that he is sorry, but that I need to remember he is a good Christian man, has good morals and is a good person. I reminded him that saying something doesn't make it true, and that if his morals include pleasuring himself at the expense of causing his family pain, watching women being degraded and lying to everyone, then there are some major problems. My faith in him has been ripped apart, and with the new knowledge that he could not even control himself during my father's funeral or a holy time, obviously he cannot control himself at all. I have made decisions on what I need to do, but I am scared at what I am going to find out. He has erased all the temp files off the computers. He has gone through our room, cleaning a bunch of things out, so I do not know what he was removing there. I don't think this is going to end with porn, I think he has gone over the line.
I have no one in my life to talk to about this, and feel so very alone. My family would be so embarrassed about the topic, and if anyone in the town found out, we would have to leave. I am smiling for the kids, and working as before, but during the quiet times, I feel like screaming until I have nothing left. I am so sad.
