discussion title:
7 weeks pregnant, husband wants divorce
Hi all -
Very new here, could use some advice, words of wisdom or just some friends!! I've been married for almost 3 years, and my husband and I are expecting a surprise baby. I'm about 7 weeks along today. I'm also 35, my husband is 44, and he already has a 13 year old and a 17 year old, both of whom live in Utah and he travels out about once a month (or they travel out here) to visit. He's a loving and supportive dad, although he has made it very, very clear that he is done with kids and he does want any more. I've known that for a while, and I've never had the desire to have kids of my own, so we never discussed the "what if". I also have diagnosed kidney disease (from having small kidneys that work pretty hard since I"m also a long distance runner) so being on the pill was challenging with side effects and since my husband has a low sex drive, I always felt that the discomfort I had being on the pill was not worth the one or two times a month of sex that we had (and that's a very generous estimate). We've also had qute a few marital challenges over the past 2 years, financially and just interpersonal, he's rathe controlling and I tend to be very independent. :-)
I found out I was pregnant a week ago. He was out of town so I waited until he got back to talk to him about it and due to some considerable anger towards me for some reason and he was under a lot of stress, I decided to wait a few days to tell him. As I also knew that the news would not be taken wiht a great deal of joy.
I was correct, he wasn't angry, however, happy is definitely not accurate. We tossed around the options, abortion is an absolute NO from me unless my doctors say for medical reasons, they recommend it (my kidney disease). My husband is ok with abortion, although he's not pushing it. Another option is to offer adoption to my sister, who due to a heart condition (she had a transplant 3 years ago) and is looking to adopt wiht her loving husband. We're VERY close so it woud be a great option although I'm still on the fence personally. The third option is to keep the baby, and at that point, my husband told me that he does not want to be a father and that he'd be fine parenting from a distance, but he does not want to live wiht me as husband and wife and parents. And he doesn't want to be married to me any more and definitely wants a divorce. UPon furthe rdiscussion, he would want divorce regardless of what decision I chose.
On one hand, I'm glad he's being honest and upfront and not "staying together" just for me and the baby. ON the other hand, I feel abandoned and painfully alone.
Are there other women who have been through this?
Thank you in advance....
Lisa
