Pregnancy Loss

Oh hugs and thanks so much for responding to my post earlier.  I was the one who got pg. 4 years after my husband's vas and miscarried around 4 weeks.  It is nice to know someone else is in my exact situation. 

As for your kids almost being grown, why start over, I guess I used to think that way too.  Then my brother and his wife had a darling baby boy (born with a serious birth defect, but doing well now) when their older children were almost 14 and 11.  Jacob has added so much to our entire family.  My girls would have been 8 1/2 and 5 1/2 at the time our baby was due in April 05.  I don't see it as "starting over" I see it as a blessing, a baby you can really enjoy and appreciate since your older ones are so dependent any more. 

I think some people wonder if I was ever really pregnant.  I know I was.  I'm 36 years old & have been pregnant twice before this.  I had every symptom in the book and a light positive twice.  Then nothing on the test stick just two days later.  I had no idea I would be affected like this and think I will probably end up needing counseling.  I was not relieved to miscarry or anything ridiculous like that.

For me what has been hard this week is seeing families with three children and thinking that would have been us.  It seems like I will always feel like someone is missing.  My oldest DD (8) just acts like she's glad I'm not sick anymore so I can pay more attention to her.  It doesn't seem like she ever wanted the baby.  My youngest (5) is totally clueless.  MY DH says he's still processing it all.

I just don't want DH to get his vas. re-done.  Not many people get a chance to reconsider a "permanent" decision in life and I wish he would see it that way.  What's funny is *I* insisted on the vas. in the first place and if this pg never had happened I would be just fine with things the way they are.  I loved that baby and feel like my life will never be the same.

Just wanted to vent.  Feel free to e-mail me direct lisajohnson11@msn.com