Toilet Teaching

I feel like i have the only girl still un-potty trained at 3 and a half! She's a healthy, happy, and intelligent little girl, with of course, a very stubborn streak, but I guess most 3 year olds do.

I've been reading lots of advice for resistant kids is to put them in underwear and make no more mention of potties, and be laid back about the whole process. BUT here's the problem. We're failing at the first step! DD will scream for hours on end, literally, rather than not wear diapers. We've tried underwear that she's picked out (she likes the theory, she just won't wear them), we've tried just letting her go without any underwear at all, but either way it results in a giant and traumatic meltdown until she gets a diaper back on.

So what should I do? I feel like 'making her' not wear diapers is generating even more resistance as it's obviously traumatic for her and is making her dig her heals in even more.

I know she is physically capable of going potty. She has done it a few times and we praise her no end when she does, but then almost immediately after she goes back to complete refusal once more.

Sigh. I guess being this strong willed will be a good thing when she's grown up, right? ; )

Debbie,

My DD Emily is almost fully potty trained and she's kind of in the same boat as your DD. She is 20 months old and is actually very good at going potty except that she is very attached to her diaper and won't go potty without it. I let her just go potty with her diaper but recently she's been willing to allow her diaper to be untaped while she's sitting on the toilet, so she's kind-of both going potty in her diaper and going potty in the toilet at the same time. I was trying to wean her off needing the diaper but I'm now in the mindset of letting her wear it until she thinks she doesn't need it anymore. If she ends up being 3 and a half or 4 and still diapered I know I can deal with that but I don't think it will be an issue.

So I guess my advice is to try getting her interested in the potty without alienating her diapers. She's obviously very attached to wearing one at the moment and you're only driving a wedge into your relationship by pushing an idea (no diapers) she's clearly not bought into. You kind of made it a "prerequisite" to potty training. You could take her to the bathroom while you're doing your business and let her flush after you're done. You could let her go potty fully clothed or just wearing her diaper like Emily does. If she's okay with it try untaping it so it's still there. Emily is okay if it falls in when its untaped but she wants a new diaper as soon as possible after she's done wiping and flushing and washing her hands.

-Aleena

Hi, sorry for not getting back to you until now! Yes! pullups seem to be the route of choice here so far - 'diaper pants' she calls them. They are handier that for now she's 'changing herself' which is ummm 'interesting' but I figure maybe she'll get as bored of changing diapers as I am (and yes, when things are really gross I lend a hand!!) I've been studiously not mentioning the potty at all for the past couple of weeks and she and I are much better friends, but she still just doesn't care about the potty. I wonder how long she'll wait me out on this one?! strong willed will be a good personality trait eventually, right?!

Thanks for the advice