Parenting Issues Debate

We are having a major problem with schoolwork at our house and could use some others insight. I am not mad at DD in anyway and feel I should fight for her in this. But how far?

She is in third grade. She generally has 2 or more hours of homework a night. We have seen it go 4. I have emailed the teacher multiple times and now have a conference set up for Tue. Something WILL give in this. Here is what I am pondering. What if I put a limit on homework time at home? Say 90 minutes (apparently the goal of the teacher is to give the kids 30-60 minutes a night?) because she does have add. When 90 minutes hits we are done, regardless of what isn't finished. This could seriously tank her grades though. Currently I am using her grades as a gauge on how she is doing. She is all A's and some B's. Her test scores are A's and B's. She "gets" the material. She is just struggling to get the work done. I would hate to see her grades fall (which would effect her self esteem, for her anyway) in favor of giving her time to be a kid. Both seem important to me. Curently we have released her of all family obligations (chores), had to cut out some church, and have to cancel or postpone some family activities. We have also had to extend her bedtime or get her up early to finish. Supposedly the only homework is what doesn't get completed in class adn the 10-15 min the teacher gives should be enough time. Let me outline Weds homework

2 pages math (about 30 problems, 1 sheet half done)
2 pages reading (none done)
2 pages spelling (none done, she is out of hte room for that class)
2 pages handwriting (none done, out of room)
4 pages science (24 q's, 1st page done at school"
3 pages social studies (about 30 problems, 1/3 done at school)

Which would you choose? Her grades and self esteem or the opportunity to be a kid and not be stressed each night?

I would have her do the math and the reading, and then tell her to call it a day WRT homework.

Even at the sixth grade level, I never let my DS go beyond the one-hour mark when it came to weekday evening homework. I always felt that one hour was more than enough. In order for kids to be well-rounded, they need the evenings for family time, extra-curricular activities, and for just doing their own thing.

That is way too much homework for a 3rd grader. Most schools have a 10-15 min. per grade level goal so that would be 45 minutes for a 3rd grader.  Address the concerns with the teacher in the meeting. If things do not get better take it higher up the chain.  Document exactly how much homework she is doing each night so that if you meet with the Principal you have documentation.

Also, try to talk to some of the other parents in the class if you haven't done so already. If more of you bring it up, then it will be more likely that something will get done.

My son is currently in 5th grade and doesn't even have that much homework. He usually has one math sheet, spelling (which is word study and takes very little time), and reading. His reading is much more than 2 pages, typically it is more like 15-30 pages.  He will have "project" type homework every few weeks in science and/or social studies.

It also seems as if some of the homework could be combined by the teacher. For example, writing spelling words could also be the handwriting assignment.

According to the teacher they aim for 10-15 min per subject, not per grade. Even if that were true then it would be under an hour. I have to sign her assignment book each night and have been noting how long homework takes each night in that just so I have a paper trail to back me up. She actually can fly through math and spelling. Even reading on M-t-w. Her homework is read a selection and answer multiple choice q's. Except on Thur. Then reading is called "story stretchers". Much harder. It is 5 q's that require 3 sentence min answers. They deal with story concepts like plot, setting, character development etc. It also requires she read a second short story and compare it to the main story of the week. This assignment generally takes 2 hourss min at our house. Health, science, and social studies tend to hang us up too because it is a worksheet or worksheets that require you to look up the answers in the textbook. She is required to write the page number down where she found the answer as well. If she could just answer the q's that would make it so much easier. It is the searching through 10-20 pages in a textbook for the actual answer that takes so much time. I also think that the handwriting could easily be combined with spelling. Have the same assignement count as 2 grades.

The only other parent I know said their kid has a couple of hours a night as well. They just accept that. They also don't offer any help with it. I do. This week alone I found all the answers in the science book for her. I read social studies out load to speed things along. Last night I had her dictate her answers to the story stretchers to me and then had her copy what I wrote. Part of the ADD is having difficulty getting ideas from her head to the paper. She knows the stuff but it gets lost when she tries to put it down. Wed I had her do her spelling in cursive and we didn't do the handwriting. I believe that the teacher will accept that as both assignments. I think she is getting tired of hearing from me.

There has to be a balance and there isn't. Our ENTIRE family is in third grade this year. Our ENTIRE family has had to miss out on things because of homework. our ENTIRE family feels the stress. That isn't right. DD is trying too. She is good for about the first 2 hours. After that hits she is just done. Attitude and effort go completely out the window. I don't blame her one bit.

I would be informing her teacher about how much homework time you will be ALLOWING your DD to do each weeknight (which, of course, will mean that she returns to school with assignments not done). She's your kid, you get to decide these things.

I would ask the teacher to help you to prioritize the nightly assignments, so that you aren't starting with the least important thing first, or starting with something that your DD has mastered and leaving out something where she could really use the extra practice.