Stay at Home vs. Work Debate

let me preface by saying this is completely unrelated to message boards and WOH time. 

something MIL ranted about recently got me thinking.  it was about her older grandchildren asking her for $$ all the time.  she blew up,telling them to get jobs,that she had a job since the age of 14 and how important that plus an education was/is blah.  blah.  her formal education stopped at high school. 

DH called her (attitude?) "blue collar ethics" including that it was good because it teaches self sufficiency. and while i don't disagree with that i do wonder what gets lost when a child is taught too early to get a job,look out for himself,satisfy the needs of only oneself.  DH and i both know how polar opposite our upbringings are.  i was raised not to have to have a job at 14 or 15 while he was.  my family always focused our traditions,get togethers,time with others around doing for others while his family think little of others - just a sample of our differences. 

there's something about self sufficiency that sounds more selfish than selfless IMO so help me out here..if a child is raised to be self sufficient how do you balance the lesson of responsibiliyt and providing for oneself with responsibility and thinking of others? 

sorry for the novel post..........thanks for reading. 

Here's how I balance it ...

I, as the parent, provide for the NEEDS of my minor children. That's my responsibility; not theirs. 

They provide for a great many of their WANTS.  I do some; because I love them, want to do it, and have the ability.  But your dh and MIL are right in that children do need to be taught how to provide for themselves, how to use the resources and tools that we as parents have provided.  So my children provide for many of their own wants.

Some examples ... I pay for my kids' school lunches.  However, if dd wants to join a group of friends at the local pizza place one day for lunch instead, she pays for it with her own money.    If we go as a family to the movies, I'll buy their tickets and maybe a drink/popcorn.  If ds goes with his BFF, he pays for his own ticket and drink/popcorn.   If dd wants a $50 pair of sneakers because it's the cool kind, I might pay $25 (that's what the non-cool kind cost) and she makes up the difference.

How this will pan out when they're old enough to be working, I don't yet know.  But I'll suspect I'll allow/encourage them to get jobs to pay for all those "extras", but if they choose no extras, then they can choose no job.

ETA a P.S. to my OP,i am not at all in favor of needy grandchildren asking for $$ FWIW.  but worth noting,these grandchildren are from their single DD whose own life has been unfortunate.  i think MIL/FIL bailing her DD is what these kids saw so perhaps they mirror the same behavior.  i don't know.......i just don't like how these kids are taught more what looks like hard knocks.  hard knocks parenting does not pay off,at least for this family it hasn't. 

different strokes. 

my kids pack.  i do pay for hot lunches but every once in awhile,not always.

i do intend to offer money to my child(ren) for a saturday night out with friends.  within reason of course.  i will pay for my kids' clothing too.  within reason (there's a pattern here,LOL).....what i will NOT pay for is an outing that my child insists should cost upwards of 100.00 or some outrageous,designer outfit with some outrageous price tag. 

time will tell is right.  i don't deny a job teaches a child something but so do parents who role model responsibility,responsible spending and so on too.