Discipline Styles Debate

Wolf~

However, the point we were talking about was that an adult can spank a child with completely honourable intentions. And that child can experience sexual feelings along with the pain. That can create a fetish. It can create feelings of violation. The child also would not probably understand what had happened or their feelings about it.

Do you realize that there are spanking fetishists who've NEVER been spanked?

Your logic here would indicate that ANY touching which COULD possibly cause arousal thus producing a fetish should be banished.  People better stop playing "ride a little horsie" or any other games they play with thier children with honourable intentions....because a fetish might arise.

Don't beleive me....pick up Nancy Friday's books on sexual fantasies.  People become fixated and obsessed and become fetishists for myriad reasons.  Mommy wearing a rubber apron can cause a rubber/latex fetish.  Seeing Mommy or Teacher wearing heels can cause a shoe fetish.   Children can and do "fantasize" about sexual things, even if they don't realize what they are feeling...and many, as adults, and in hindsight, look back and either a) don't know the origins of their fantasies or fetishes or b) see that it was something completely innocuous that caused it. 

I can buy the whole "no spanking because of human rights" issue...but this is a bit farfetched for me to sink my teeth into. 

I'm going to keep reading in the thread to see if anyone substantiates these types of statements above.

Andrea~

The sexual fetish for being spanked is going to be there whether or not a parent spanks their child. It just will take them into their adult lives to realize it.

I agree....unless, as I keep reading, I find information that acceptably refutes this point.

I've heard this argument before.

I have two points.

1. A fetish is not the same thing as enjoying an activity. I agree that that happens anyway because spanking cause heat to flood to an erogenous zone. However a fetish is something the individual cannot get aroused without. So, a person who experiences their first (or among the first) sexual experiences as parental spanking can forever have their sexuality linked to that episode and they cannot get away from it.

2. What's most dangerous, imo, about this is the fact that the situation is negative. It's not getting a pleasant feeling from rubbing your face against your mother's rubber apron, it's getting a sexual feeling from a negative situation which can cause the problem (having pain caused to them and/or being in trouble - both are negative for a child).

It's not my biggest argument against it but it is a negative of the practise, imo.

My biggest feeling about it is that it is simply not right to strike another human being, no matter what they've done. It seems strange to me that we aren't allowed to hit anybody except one of the most vulnerable peer groups.

Wolf~

Maybe you've heard the argument before because it's a valid one.  A spanking fetish CAN and does arise for people who've never been spanked....who've never has that type of pain coupled with pleasure as a child.

My research is limited on this subject because it's difficult to weed through stuff on search engines once you type in "fetish". 

I'm not talking about a kid rubbing his face in Mommy's rubber apron and getting a pleasant feeling from it.  I'm talking getting a full blown fetish.  I'm talking about getting a full blown fetish for women's shoes.  Should mom not wear sexy shoes because a fetish might arise?

 And it's okay for a kid to develop a shoe/foot fetish later in life because no pain was involved in forming that fetish, but it's bad for a spanking fetish to arise because there was pain inovled?  My point is that I believe fetishes will arise where they will.  I'm willing to change my beliefs on the subject, as I said before, if given credible information to refute it.

I don't think FETISH arises for people who've never been spanked.

A fetish is when they can't experience arousal without it.

The kind of situation I'm talking about is when a person experiences sexual feelings as a child for the first time when feeling in pain, in trouble and humilated. That can cause problems. Imagine having to only experience arousal by something which reminded you of a time when you'd been violated and felt violated.

And I don't think it's right to do something to a child which is so completely sexual as spanking is. It is hugely sexual and one of the most widespread sexual "kinks" or activities. I really don't think it's right to do such a thing to a child.