Discipline Styles Debate

He can't talk yet to express how he's feeling with words. So he's expressing his frustration the only way he knows how. He doesn't understand.

If he's hitting then I would be more inclined to tell him what to do rather than what not to do. ie.. Gentle hands instead of "no, that hurts".

stacy

there are 2 different behaviors going on. Hitting and scratching, and getting into everything.

Getting into things is behavior you sometimes ahve to stop, for safety reasons, but it is not misbehavior. It is age appropriate and also necessary for cognitive development. So, no, you cannot really teach him to stop doing this, not without drastic methods and it is pointless anyway. Just keep taking things away, childproofing, etc. He will grow out of it eventually. In the meantime make sure that he gets enough stimulation and opportunities to explore without hiving to get into trouble. When you do take something away do it calmly and matter-of-factly, without any blame or scolding.

Hitting is a problem. I personally don't think that time-out = withdrawal of love, but if you don't feel comfortable leaving him in a playpen, you certainly don't have to do it. Continue to stop him and to let him knwo that it hurts. It's ok to use a sharp tone to get this across. Remember his language is limited and a lot of your communication with him is through tone of voice. He really is learning, even though it may take time. Little by little, teach him ways to express himself with language so that he doesn't resort to physical means.

Mirroring emotions is a great technique, effective in both short and long term. I'm not sure it's necessary to use the baby talk though. I've seen that suggestion before, I don't remember where. Something about toddlers being like cave-people, and you should talk caveman talk to them.

I'm guessing that where this idea comes from is, most adults who have heard of the idea of reflecting emotions, will say something like "I see you are mad now" in a very calm tone of voice. The "Grrr! Billy is Mad mad mad!" is a way to get dignified grown-ups to sound real. But I think you can sound real and speak in normal English at the same time.

Time out actually worked for my son when he was this age. As long as you keep it to under 3 or 4 minutes your son will eventually learn that if he misbehaves then he can't play.

The only other tactic that ever worked is to ignore him when starts acting up. This worked for temper tantrums.

Another thing- when you put your son down for time out tell him why. You would be amazed at how much a little 10 month old can understand. He'll eventually start to notice that every time you say, "I told you to stop pinching and you didn't" he ends up in time out.

Hope this all works for you! I think discipline is the toughest part of child rearing.

3-4 minutes for an infant?

Does this apply to newborns as well?

You realize that every parenting book, the Peds Acad., AMA, etc. that advocate time outs suggest one minute per year?

A 10 month old has no idea of right or wrong yet...some can't even crawl!