Discipline Styles Debate

Interesting article here:

In Defense of Permissive Parenting: Why Talking Back May Lead to Smarter Kids

http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2009/10/21/in-defense-of-permissive-parenting-why-talking-back-may-lead-to-smarter-kids.aspx

Do you let your kids talk back to you? To what degree? Where do you draw the line?

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I never stop my children talking to me, as long as they're respectful about it.

I don't know about language development but for me it keeps the lines of communication open. I want to hear what they have to say to me. I feel that if I stop them talking to me now, they may be more likely to not talk to me when they're teenagers. And a teenage who won't talk to me is not what I want!

Do you let your kids talk back to you? To what degree?

Yes. She gets to explain her point of veiw and why. But she has to do it respectfully. No name calling or screaming at us. I'm better at listening than Dad. He can tend to be autocratic and not listen.

Example. Last night she didn't want to eat what we had for dinner. So her options were to not eat ,or eat it ,then she could have dessert after. But no skipping dinner and still getting dessert. Dad told her to "eat it really fast just to get it over with." She started saying "But...but..." and he cut her off. She got frustrated at him and yelled at him. "But I'll CHOKE if I eat it fast."

Kind of a good point Dad. I really couldn't be mad at her for yelling at him, because he HAD cut her off and she WAS making a really good point. So me and Dad had a talk later, about listening to her POV, when she wasn't in the room.

 ***Where do you draw the line?***

Name calling, screaming, violence. She needs to learn to state her case respectfully. Still doesen't mean she'll win though.

I do to an extent. I cut DS off when it either becomes disrespectful, whiney or we have been over it already. He will take an argument to the nth degree if he isn't stopped.

I also won't let him "talk back" or give his say on something that is expected on a regular basis. For example, he has chores that have to be done every weekend. I understand he doesn't want to do them, I don't want to clean the house either, but it HAS to be done and it has to be done every weekend. I don't need to hear EVERY weekend how he doesn't want to do them.

I don't allow sassy responses.  We do allow questions if done respectfully.  If we can see that one of the kids is really trying to express themselves respectfully we will help them with what they could say to expres that point better.

I do not allow the "But but but...." when a kid wants something different than already discussed.  If I say that you are going to stay home with dad while I run to the store...the child can say...I would really like to go with you, would you think about it..or something like that ..but as soon as the "But I wanna go, but mom's start...there is no way I will change my mind.  I might not change my mind the other approach either but the child will get complimented on their approach and perhaps get more of an explanation as to my decision.