Weight Loss

I'm a 5'4", small boned, 42 year old white female.  I've been obese for over 16 years.  Back in "the day," I was a good weight.  135-140, very athletic, carried it well.  Then I got pregnant and the world became a buffet.  Nobody warned me that baby weight and major fat gain are not one in the same.

So, after giving birth to 5 children and years of yo-yo dieting, and reaching a top weight of 210, back in February of this year I began my new life.  I don't diet.  I just made up my mind that I didn't like my new self and wanted my old self back.  I don't eat nearly as much and try to make better choices.  It's worked for me and I now weigh 135. 

Here's the problem.  I have become obsessed with the scale and with what my body is not doing.  I weigh at least 3 times a day.  I look at myself in the mirror constantly.  The reason is that I'm looking for the person people say they see.  I don't see it.  My husband calls me "skinny."  I see fat.  My stomach looks awful.  I do crunches and all sorts of other "slimming" exercies, but they don't work.  I almost can't stand to look at myself.  Realistically, I knew that my days of a flat stomach (without surgery) were over, but I didn't know it was going to make me feel so bad.  At least when I was obese, I had a reason to look like that.  So now I'm starting to get questioned by my family as to when I plan to stop losing weight.  I don't know!  Part of me feels like if I keep losing weight, my stomach will start to look better.  Another part (the realistic part) tells me to give myself a break.  I'm middle-aged and have had 5 children.  But that part isn't winning the battle and I'm finding myself getting very frustrated.  I have now set my weight goal at 120, which I don't remember ever weighing before, but all the online weight calculators say I should weigh around there. 

Can you guys please give me some real-world advice here?  What do you think about someone of my stature and weight and what should I weigh?  How do I find a way to be comfortable in my own skin?  How do I look in the mirror and see what other people see?  What's real and are they just being nice???  I know this is hard to answer because you can't see me, but anything you guys can tell me will be helpful.

I know that I have posted a weight calculator a few times here. check the advance search and see if you can find it. If not, when I have time I'll try to find one!

One thing that I really thing you need to do is to STOP focusing on the bad parts that you see. Instead of seeing a number on the scale that is lower than what it was before.....you see a number that isn't low enough for you. Instead of seeing a flatter stomach you see a stomach that isn't flat enough. You need to look into the mirror and start giving yourself compliments instead of cutting yourself down! Look for the good things in your life....and you don't have to be perfect.....you are happy being you! Find things in your life that you enjoy....and then enjoy them. Don't always be thinking about your body, your weight, and how much more you need to lose. Right now I see your weight being more of a self esteem issue than a number! I'm sure that you are a beautiful woman and a wonderful mother. Ask the people around you what they like about you and see if you agree or not! What you find may surprise you!

 

      

Congratulations on an amazing weight loss! You should be very proud of the changes you have made in your life :)

It is hard to put in so much hard work and not see the result you really want. My suggestion would be to talk to your doctor about what weight range he / she feels like would be best for you and shoot for that. Try and shift your mind from thinking about weight and the look of your body to the amazing health benefits you are experiencing - enjoy the activities that you probably haven't been able to or haven't felt like enjoying in years. In other words....work with what you have. For me having 2 children and being obese for the last 6 years has left me with a nice tummy roll that I'm not fond of at all, lol. I know that it is with me forever or until I have surgery to take off the extra skin. I'm not considering the surgery right now so I try and find clothes and undergarmets that minimize / control that area. As much as it is not healthy to be overweight it is also not healthy to constantly damange your self-esteem by putting yourself down. Eat healthy, exercise and back away from the scale :)

Good luck! Judy   

Thank you both very much for your input.  I will definitely try to do that.  I have a lot of things in my life that I am proud of.  I will start focusing on those things.  I will also try harder to ween myself off the scale.

Thanks!