Working Moms

I had a discussion with a mom last week that I work with.  I am not a mom.  She brought up something that we had a little bit of a dispute about. 

Just some back ground...  she has 2 kids....  her DH has a work schedule that takes him away sometimes for days.  She has no back-up child care at all.  Literally none. She came into this job with that situation.

Also note that I had requested some time off first that she indicated she might need as well because of the child care issue.  She whispered to me that if needed, she would have to call in sick if she had to.  I told her I would change my days to help as I was not doing anything in particular.  Believe or not even not being a mom I do get stuff happens and I am sympathtic to that.

Last week, she said something about needing the time..  she was a mom, the kids come first and that she should be able to get the time....and not take vacation or be " dinged " with an absence.   I was like...  no...  however it is used she should be accountable to time off like I would be.  She went totally off on me saying what do I know and I don't have kids and if I had kids it would be different...  yadda yadda yadda...

Come on...  if we are all given vacation and  "X" time off without being dinged, the reason for that time off shouldn't matter.  Right ?  A parent should not be given more time or a " pass " because of a sick child or a school thing etc....  And please, I am not heartless.  ( go ahead and take the time for the play, not an issue take pics and show me.....)

These are hard times and both parents have to work.  And I by no means am trying to say I don't care as such.  But it really really irritates me that that type of thing is thrown in my face.  It truely isn't anyone's problem but their own.  As I stated above I would with no problem helping a parent out.  And I had to throw that back in her face.  And I had to say what if my eldery parents needed me and I needed to call in?  Is that any different ?  Should I be docked if that was the case? Yes, all rules should apply to all. But she didn't even answer me on that. 

I do not understand why the " I am a parent so therefore I can do......" is used like that. Or my kids come first......  Of course they do. No one is disputing that (not me at least ).  I just don't think that it should be thrown in my face as if I am the problem, the big meanie that doesn't get having kids. 

I just think that if a company is giving flex, vacation or sick time or whatever, moms should have to use that time no different than anyone else. It has to be fair across the board. Isn't that just the unfortunate price one pays for working and having kids and not having back-up?  Don't get mad at me for wanting things equal. 

Where have I gone wrong here ? 

I am a working mom of 3....my kids do come first.  I think that time off should apply to everyone the same way. If I have unused time, and need to take off, it should be applied. I agree with you. If I have to take the day or half day, whatever the case may be, the time should be dealt accordingly. That is what the time is there for. Some for vacation, some for important things. But she shouldn't just "get paid" because she has children and deems it more important than what you may have to do. I am going to take the time I need, but however my company wants to deal with the time, it should be done as it is to everyone else.

What I do hate is getting "talked to" if I have a problem with one of my kids and need the time, but management can do whatever they feel like. What makes your child more important than mine? That has always been unfair to me. A mom is a mom....luckily I don't have to deal with that at my current job. just a little rant there.

 

 

 

 

Rene, wife to Tim, mom to Alex, 3/4/1992, Tristan, 5/3/1996, and baby Elise 9/13/2008

No you've got it right.  I'm a working mom and I do not expect any preferential treatment over anybody else.  Neither should the mom in your situation.  But the problem is not yours.  Take it to your supervisor and let them deal with it.  I don't think it's up to you to have the discussion with her.

A young girl that I work with (really young, she's 19), didn't show up for her shift one Saturday morning and nobody could reach her until after we were closed.  I had texted her a couple of times, and finally after I was leaving work I got a text back from her saying that she just got back from camping!  I wrote her back and asked if she forgot about her shift, and then my cellphone rang and it was her with this bullcrap story that she thought I was her other friend Sarah that she's been trying to avoid, and she is really at home sick and didn't wake up for work because her doctor prescribed her sleeping pills.  Then she carried it on the following Monday by coming in and BS'ing the supervisor even more talking about some insane illness that she had blah blah blah.  I had enough and I reported her.  I don't care if I'm a tattle-tale or not...but my opinion is that if I have to follow rules and use my allocated personal obligatioin days properly, why the heck should she get away with leaving us hanging, and then lying about it???  I reported her, she got reprimanded, and now nobody will take her shifts....

If the woman says anything further to you, I would simply tell her that you don't want anything to do with it, that you follow the rules, and if she wants to lie and call in sick, you'll have no choice to report that to management. 

Good Luck!