Empty Nest

I really need someone's advice that may have gone through the situation I am in. First a little background on me. Up until almost 4 yrs ago I was a single mom and my son is now 16 yrs old. My husband now and I have been together for four yrs and married about a yr and a half and I am almost 8 months pregnant too! My only son turned 16 about a month ago and ever since I have been extremely emotional about him driving or just being gone. It had got the point that we would fight and argue about him not being home and then I felt bad because I realized how emotional I was being. I mentioned being emotional to my husband and agreed that I was being moody to him, but the fact is that I wasn't to him, just my son. He said that it was better to be moody to my son than to him. I didn't find that comment very amusing. About a week ago I went to see a therapist because I felt I was losing my son even though he was still there, he just wanted to spend time with his friends, especially since school was about to start and he has a new girlfriend. The therapist told me that my relationship with my son was changing, not ending. He is trying to figure out who HE is as person and that means somewhat distancing himself from me. My son has never been mean to me through out this ordeal and I feel extremely bad for putting him through the rants and raves that I have had with him. The things the therapist said to me really mad sense to me and have kind of really made me think about what I say to him or how I say things to him. Has anyone heard or seen a book on this subject so I can read it? Any advice would be helpful and greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Welcome to the board. Just my opinion here but I think that up until 4 years ago you son was the "man of the family" and now that you are married and having another child he maybe feels his job is over and he can get on with his life. All kids grow up, it's hard to let them do it but it will happen eventually. Your son is still your son and he still needs you there for him but he maybe wants to get on with his own life now that he sees you are happy with you new hubby.

He still needs to follow the family rules but you should be able to talk to him without getting upset. Just let him know what you expect from him.

Please come back often and let us know how things are getting on.

Lorraine       cl- Canadian Parents   & Empty Nest

                      

 

 

I can sympathize! I'm also not sure how to handle a similar situation. I have two children, a daughter who is 20 and in her second year of college. And a son who is 17. I am remarried, (4years now) to a man who has two children also, a son who is 19 and a daughter who is 12. At one time, 3 of the 4 children lived with us. My daughter and son and his son. The children got along very well (for the most part) - the difficulty came with the ralationship between my husband and the kids! He is controlling, and a much stronger didciplinarian than me. Long story short... my daughter left for college (traumatic enough as it is), my stepson moved out, (unable to deal with his father) and my son has decided to go live with his father, he said, he couldn't deal with my husband or how I was always taking things out on him when my husband and I fought! I agree, the kids did put up with alot! But I miss them so much - my life feels so empty without them. My relationship with my husband has improved ( of course, no kids for him to be upset with!) ot (to argue with me about), but...he now has a job that sends him away often. I am lonely! and feel that I've cheated my kids out of a life that they should of had! I do talk with my kids everyday...but I was not ready to give up my son just yet. I know in a year he will probably go off to college... but that doesn't make me feel too much better. I just really miss him. i think a big part of it is that I'm getting older, I don't want to.

Hi fjohnson071,

Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated (Paperback) - You can find it on Amazon check out the reviews.

Many parents like this book and find the advice very helpful while interacting with your teenager. I think it will help you realize you are not the only one having these experiences. Teenagers do pull back and want their independence and at the same time they are young and need some guidance. I hope this helps!

All the best,
Donna
http://www.BreakThroughLifeCoaching.net