Hello Again Dear Tiffylove: I am so sorry that the pain is still so vivid after the sad loss of Stuart Little, but I do understand having lost dear Nik last November. I too thought I was ready to accept and love a new pet recently but found I could not - at that time anyway. I tried hard to love the new dog that I had, but somehow I could not feel I wanted to look after it or have it close to me. It was not good for the dog or me, so sadly I had to return the dog to the breeder; but it did go back to a good home at least. When the loss of a pet is still so fresh in one's mind, it is hard to forget who you have lost and love another pet. I know some people say it is the best thing to get another pet soon as they find it healing, but it did not turn out that way for me. They also say that one should not 'compare' the new pet with the old, but again I could only think of Nik every time I saw the new dog - and she WAS NOT NIK!!! :-( . So how we deal with the loss is very special to each person, and only you can make decisions about getting a new pet in your life and when the time is right. I am now at the stage where I feel I may be able to adopt another Yorkie, but It will be long thought out and the new dog and I will have to WANT each other. One minute I feel I would love a new pet and the next I feel the other way!!!???? Very confused! I now see there are 'right' dogs for each person, as it is in human relationships, and I feel that this next time I will be very sure there is a mutual match with a new pet. This is hard to achieve in reality, but I hope to work with a rescue organization I know well to help find the right pet for me. I am prepared to wait as long as it takes. I know one feels kind of silly sometimes when we tell people we are still so sad about the pet loss, as some JUST DO NOT GET IT!!! So we suffer in silence and keep the pain to ourselves. That is why this site is so great and comforting, as we all FEEL it. So hang in there, the acute pain will slowly dissipate and you will be able to feel the sweet kind of sadness that comes with time. The memories will stay though and sometimes bring tears again, but that is OK. Perhaps Stuart Little will give you a sign that he is fine and happy and that now is the time to have another pet love in your life?? Thinking of you and feeling your pain. Hugs
Thank you so much for your reply to my message!!!! Alot has happened since that was written! The new puppy (Charger) was diagnosed and survived Parvo. His illness was a blessing in disguise because at that time he was so sick, I realized how much I needed him to help me through and how much he needed me and my love to make it through. Charger is a german shepherd/lab mix so he in NOTHING like my apple-headed chihuahua Stuart Little. Once Charger was sick and I was so afraid of losing him, I made a promise that I would never compare him to Stuart and that I would let him be himself, and his personality shine through. I am so happy I did. He is such a joy to have around! My pain from Stuart Little is still very real, and there isn't a day that I don't cry my eyes out in pain over missing him. But, Stuart and I started opening our home up to rescue pets over 5 years ago, and I felt that I owed it to him to carry on his legacy of love by continuing to do so. Plus, baby Charger was going to be put to sleep if not adopted. I wasn't sure at 1st if I would keep him or not, but I knew I couldn't let him die. Not without being given a chance to live and love like every dog wants. After he became sick, I knew there was no way I was letting this little baby go. Again, he is by no means a replacement for Stuart, but he does make me feel needed again and force me to get up each day and not hide from the world like I so desperately want to.
You're right...everyone seems to think that :"enough time has passed" and that I will be over Stuart by now. I keep asking people how that is even possible! To return to who you were now that a part of you is gone seems impossible. I still never know if I will make it through each day or not, and I've yet to finish a complete day of my scheduled activities since Stuart passed. I just run home and curl up and grieve over my precious baby. I miss him terribly.
I wish you lots of luck in your search for your next baby. I just know you will find a wonderful Yorkie to share your life with. I hope you'll keep me posted during your journey!
All my love,
-Tiffany Love
Current Proud Mom of : puppy Charger and kittens/cats Abra, Kadabra, Grizabella, and Gypsy
*FOREVER & ALWAYS a Proud Mom of precious ^Stuart Little^ : 12/26/1999 - 09/05/2009*
"If Love Could've Saved You, You Would've Lived Forever"
Hello Tiffany: I am so happy that your found it possible to take in Charger and love him, and can see how you just had to keep him after getting him thro' Parvo. You shared a lot of pain I am sure and he is very lucky to have someone like you to nurse him when he was in need. That experience must bring you very close, and I am sure you will both have a long and happy loving life together. I am very sorry however that you are still so numbed by the loss of little Stuart and that you are finding it so hard to go on. I know I was in the same state for a long time after Nik went, but hearing now how you feel brings it all back. At that time and for many months, life seemed hopeless, but slowly it became easier to bear. I still miss her a lot and hope that soon the right Yorkie will come along and that I can love her too. Thank you for your kind words and concern, I will certainly keep you informed when my next furbaby comes home with me. You will feel better one day, I promise! Love and Hugs, Marg
Oh Minnimarg - bless you for your promise of brighter days to come! Right now they seem so distant and unbelievable, and I desperately needed to hear I would reach them one day. I just cant seem to come to terms with the fact that he's gone. I miss him so much it hurts. I have shut out people and activities because all I can do is grieve. It has been a horrid experience that has changed me to the core and changed my life as well. I am not sure how long this part lasts but I am not seeing or feeling an end to it anytime soon. How long was it before you felt somewhat normal again? I know it is different with everyone, but I would love to know. This board is my only place for answers - because you amazing people are the only ones who "get it".
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart,
-Tiffany Love
Current Proud Mom of : puppy Charger and kittens/cats Abra, Kadabra, Grizabella, and Gypsy
*FOREVER & ALWAYS a Proud Mom of precious ^Stuart Little^ : 12/26/1999 - 09/05/2009*
"If Love Could've Saved You, You Would've Lived Forever"
Dear Tiffany: I do really feel for you. Although it is almost a year now since Nik left me, I still cry when I think of her - as I am now. For several weeks I do not remember anything happening in my life except sadness after she died. The house was empty and I lost all connexion with the outside world. I just got up in the morning, cried all day and slept at night. It was like there was no air in the home and that she had sucked out all the oxygen. She was everywhere, but gone at the same time. I guess it is hard for anyone who has not lost a dearly beloved pet to understand our constant pain. I, like you, felt it would always feel like that. Slowly one does cry less and 'come out' again into the world outside, but how the mourning progresses depends on the individual person. I do not mean to depress you, but I know it helped me to know I was not the only crazy person who felt like this. Grief has to come out and it really is OK to take as long as you need to get better and live with the new situation without your pet. I gained so much from this chat room and the kindness of people here. I do feel warmth to other Yorkies now when I meet them and want to pick them up -whereas earlier I could not bear to see another Yorkie. So perhaps the time is ripe for me to love another??? All I can say is that you are not 'nuts', you will feel better when all the grief has been washed away, and life will have a meaning again. So take heart and one day soon only beautiful memories will fill your heart, rather than tears. Thinking of you and wishing you peace. Love and Hugs, Marg
