Calling all members of this wonderful board...my friend Barkley's mom and I have not been handling the passing of our beloved boys well at all. We have found great comfort in each other's stories and messages of hope, but I think I can speak for both of us when I say THIS ISN'T GETTING ANY EASIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This last weekend and beginning of this week has been especially rough for me. It will be 2 months since Stuart Little passed come November 5th, and Barkley's mom lost her baby 2 weeks later.
I don't want to speak for Barkley's mom anymore since that isn't fair to her - but I know we could both benefit from your answers tremendously: What in the world did you, and of you, do to help you get through this????? I don't think I can take one more day of going through this hell on earth without seeing or touching my baby boy. It just hurts too much without him.
For some reason, this last weekend and today have been overwhelming with pain. I'm not sure how many more blows I can take. There are so many unanswered questions out there - where is my boy? Why can't I see/feel him? Will I ever be able to? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! I'm so lost and broken and this is NOT getting better, it's getting worse with each passing day. It reminds me that it is one more day away from Stuart - I can't handle this.
Please help,
-Tiffany Love
Current Proud Mom of : puppy Charger and kittens/cats Abra, Kadabra, Grizabella, and Gypsy
*FOREVER & ALWAYS a Proud Mom of precious ^Stuart Little^ : 12/26/1999 - 09/05/2009*
"If Love Could've Saved You, You Would've Lived Forever"
You can speak for me anytime because your feelings and thoughts are mine also.
People say keep busy,keep busy to keep your mind off the pain,well how does one do that when they work from home? I am in this house all day. I can only do so much cleaning. the people I used to work with when I worked outside of the home have long since moved on, they knew me when I worked with them but once I left they never kept in touch. I have no family other then my mom to talk to and she is 87 years old so I don't want her to see me so heartbroken or she will worry herself sick over me and get sick and then she will die. I have nothing to keep me busy, Barkley kept me busy, now he is gone and I don't know what to do with myself to ease this pain. The only break I get from this feeling is to sleep,once awake I am back to feeling heartbroken and alone .
What do I do, where do I go, how in the h*ll do I survive this . I know I will never ever get past this.
SO like tiffylove said We really need your input.
The thought of Barkley up there where ever he is running around in a panic looking for me is eating me up inside. When he was here he HAD to know where I was and the last thing he remembers is he went to sleep ,I was there, he woke up and I am no where to be found. ..
Barkleysmom
A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
{{{^Stuart Little^ and ^Barkley's^ Moms}}} If only there was a cure for a broken heart. :( If only we had a time machine, so we could fast forward through this horrible process. If only we could see and hold our babies one more time......
All these unanswered questions and prayers are just way to much for one shattered heart to handle. :( I know that all to well.....
First off, I don't want you to be concerned with "how" you are doing. All your worries, questions, and heartache is completely "normal" for a grieving bridgemom. {{{hugs}}} I'd be worried about you, if you didn't feel this way.
To be completely honest... a few months after my ^Whisp^ crossed over, my family thought I had totally lost it. There was talk of the 'men in white coats' coming to take me away. Yes, I was a complete mess. (what an understatement) And, I don't want to scare you... but it got worse. :( I remember about 3 months after my baby was gone..... I had a meltdown. :( For those first few months, I always kept to myself so my family wouldn't see how broken I was. (I got tired of the 'eye rolling thing'. I'm sure you know what I mean... like, oh geez, there she goes again.) It was nearing Halloween (one of ^Whisp's^ favorite times of the year) when I just couldn't stop crying. I literally thought I was losing my mind. I didn't know how to help myself. I was scared that I'd always feel that way. I was scared that I would never / ever smile again. I was scared that my world was over. (yep, I didn't care about my family... all I wanted / needed was my ^Whisper^)
To make a long story short..... I went to my family, and they were no help at all. You should have seen the look on their faces. :( They didn't know what to do with me or how to help me. I was all alone. There was no one in my world who understood. (this board didn't exist) My only way of coping .... was .... well, to get up, brush my teeth, and breath. (and that was a challenge) I'd keep myself busy, but the minute I stopped "doing", all I could think about was ^Whisper^. I left home to get away from the memories, but the second I stepped back in the house - tears. It was horrible, unbearable, but the worst part is that NO ONE understood. Just when I needed my ^Whisper^ the most.... he couldn't help me. My world ended when he earned his wings.
I'm sharing this with you so you will know that I TRULY understand what you are going through. There is no cure, there are no magic words, there is no time machine so we can go back to be with our babies. All we have to cling to, is the promise that we will see them again. After all, like Einstein says.... energy (love) never ends... it just changes form. Our beloveds are there (at the Bridge) waiting & watching over us. And ^Barkley's^ Mom, your baby isn't scared. He can see you. He knows that your heart is broken. I know both ^Stuart Little^ and ^Barkley^ are doing everything possible to let you know they've safely made it to the Other Side. I just know ^Whisper^, ^Wonder^, ^'Mo^, and ^Stoley^ are snuggled up against them, letting them know that you will be okay... in time.
Geez... I guess I was of no help at all. {{{hugs}}} I'm just not wise enough to have the answers we all need. So my best advise to get through this... well, is to go ahead and do whatever you need to do. Get mad at the world, scream, cry until you don't think it's possible to have any tears left, breath... and just "be". That's all a broken hearted bridgemom can do.
Dont for one second think you were no help. It helps me to know you have gone through the same feelings I am going through now. When you said you would keep yourself busy that is where my problem is. Barkley is what kept me busy,you see about 10years ago due to severe onset of anxiety I had no choice but to leave my job and I ended up going on disability,thats how bad my anxiety is. I am unable to go into large public buildings if I try I get an anxiety attack so for the last 10years I have been on disability and cant work. So for those 10years I have been home taking care of my home and barkley and up until 3years ago my marriage. Having barkley with me kept me busy and once he lost most of his sight and hearing he was my full time job which I will admit at times due to me being totally exhusted from taking care of his needs left me irriated but all he had to do was do something funny and my irritation was gone.
I guess what I am trying to say is,I have nothing to keep me busy,I am in this house 24/7 and ever where I look reminds me of Barkley, of course I do go out to small stores etc but even when I go out I get sad because Barkley always ,always went with me. I still have his towel on my passenger seat that he would sit on when we went for our rides,I cant bring myself to take the towels out of my car. I have nothing to do to keep me busy,I can only clean the house so many times.
my mom is the only family memeber I have left and when I go see her I cant let her see how destroyed I am or she would worry herself sick and then I would lose her too.
It just been Barkley and me for the past 10years and just the 2 of us solely for the past 4years ,I just feel lost and empty inside.
Your words did help me,it helped me realize you have gone through the emotions, the looks from your family, the wanting to die because you miss your best firend so much it actually hurts and you lived through it and now you have the wisdom to use what you went through to let others know YOU ARE NOT ALONE and for that I say, Bless You Whispersmom
Barkleysmom
A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Dear Tiffany and Barclay's Mom. I am so very sad that you both are suffering so much and that the weekend was so dismal and painful. I know at this point no words can help, but we can only tell you it is normal and OK to feel so hopeless and terrible. Whisper's Mom says it all and truly expresses what we all feel and have felt after our losses of our pet soul-mates. All I can say is I felt completely 'out of it' for at least 4 months, just crying and keeping to myself. I became a prisoner in my bedroom most of the time and because I am retired, I did not HAVE to go out or do ANYTHING. I felt nobody cared about my feelings of loss and there was no point in trying to engage them with my sadness or ask for help. In April I felt another pet might work a miracle, but that did not work out either. I felt even worse, I was still without dear Nik and I could not bear it. Since then I have slowly 'come out' into the outside world in body but not in soul. Certainly after nearly a year I can get no solace from even some petloving friends. They seemed to survive their pet losses by getting another pet, and think I should do the same. Since Nik died I have had almost constant stomach pain and can eat very little. I read a medical article that said these symptoms can result from a 'defensive reaction of the mind(and body) to prevent open expression of repressed anxiety and mental anguish.' I think there may be some truth to that, as I can truly feel my sadness has to be repressed to the outside world. But it is still there and there is no solution as Nik is not coming back. I am on this site again as talking with pet lovers like you all allows me to openly discuss how I feel and talk with understanding people without feeling guilty. I cry when I read your recent sad posts, for you and (selfishly) for myself too - as it allows me to remember my loss and let out some more of what repressed grief still lurks in the depth of my soul. I only hope that relating my experiences can help those with more recent losses to feel they are not alone and that their feelings are normal. All I can add is that when our pets mean so much to us and the loss is catastrophic, we need to let out the grief as openly as possible or the pain stays hidden - as happened to me. That is why it is so wonderful to have this chat room and be able to talk freely like this. I guess I have probably said more than anyone needs to hear, but I hope you will bear with me. Loving thoughts and prayers to all who are going through their individual sorrows. Marge
, ^Whisper^ & ^Wonder's^ Mom
