Sitting here missing my boy. Some days I can keep my mind occupied on other things thus I don't think about Barkley all the waking hours of my day,other days no matter how hard I try and keep busy I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him.
I am dreading the holidays as everyone knows once Halloween is over we go right into Christmas mode, every add on TV is about Christmas. Christmas has always made me sad ,I think back to all the good ole times when I was a child and how all of my family would get together ,now the only family left are my mom and myself. SO when the holidays now roll around I am left feeling sad. When Barkley passed I had decided I was not going to put up a tree or anything BUT I have changed my mind,I will put my tree up and do a little normal decorating then on Christmas eve I will take my lil boys ashes and sit with him and look at our tree. My heart will not be into this years holiday.
I wish I could take some meds that would erase the last month and a half from my mind and heart. I can't believe that in 15days he will be gone 2 months, to me NO time has passed ,I can see "that day" happening over and over like a rerun of a movie.
Since he passed I have not "felt" him here, I don't know maybe he is mad at me because he knew that day he could relax cause his mom was with him and he knew his mom would never ever let anything or anyone hurt him,so he goes to sleep only to wake up with me no where in sight. I still wonder if he wonders where I am and wonders why I am not with him.
I feel numb,empty and so very alone. Someone said after going thru the loss of our fur babies we change and I have to agree. I no longer feel any kind of joy or happiness. I don't care about anything or anyone.i am basically just here going thru the motions of trying to go on without the one creature in my life that made my life make sense. The one creature who wanted nothing more then for me to love him. He gave me his heart and I gave him mine, the day he passed he took my heart with him.
Going to be a long long day. Plus I am worried about Stuart Littles mom,Have not heard from her in a couple of days, I pray she is just taking time for herself . I hope she is ok.
Barkleysmom
My Sweet,Sweet boy,if Love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
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A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Hello Barkley's Mom: So sorry you are feeling so down, especially with the holidays nearly upon us. I know what it was like for me last Thanksgiving and Christmas, after losing dear Nik on Nov 21 2008, and dread the upcoming 1st anniversary coming soon. Last year some friends though it would be kind and helpful to invite me to both holidays to 'cheer me up'! How wrong it was, I felt terrible having to pretend to be merry for the occasions and suppress my real desperately sad feeling to be kind to them. This idea of 'cheering' people up when they are so sad and grieving is so absolutely wrong. We just feel better talking with those in a similar situation who really understand, or being alone with our grief to openly express it. I have seen 'good friends' disappear after they have let me down, and see why pets are so missed. They always love us and are always there. They do not get offended if we make a mis- step and are so loyal and predictable. That is why we are so hopeless when they are gone, it is hard for a human to substitute for the delightful, constant, and genuine qualities of pets. I know this sounds cynical, but that is how I feel since Nik left me. Like you I am very concerned over Tiffy and sincerely hope and pray she is OK. Hope tomorrow will be a little better, and know we are thinking of you and wishing you peace. Hugs, Marge
Thanks for your reply. Evenings for me are HARD, this is when Barkley would be up and down,eating and going outside and waiting to go to bed for the night. He loved sleeping under the covers next to me at night,he still does well at least his ashes does, just not the same. I still tell him that I love him everynight before turning off the lights then when the sun comes up the sad,empty,hurt in my heart starts all over again.
I can also relate to putting on the happy face for other people,I have to do that when I go see my mom,if she could see my heart and see how very sad I am I know she would worry about me and make herself sick,so when I go see her I hide my heart but I think she can still tell how sad and lost I am .
I miss SO many things about him, the way he used to look up from his bed when I would tell him its almost time to go to bed. The way he used to be waiting for me on his bed when he knew I was going out, he loved to go for rides. I miss his unconditional LOVE !!
I have talked to a couple of my friends but I know they are not dog lovers so I tend to not keep in contact with them, why talk to them about something they have no idea about,what it feels like to have the unconditional love from a fur pup .. they just don't get it. I am to the point I don't have the emotional energy to pretend anymore with them, I no longer make myself sound happy when I talk to them ,I am sad, I am devastated and I am heartbroken and if they cant accept that I am feeling that way because I have lost my best friend in this world then I have no desire to talk to them.
I too pray Tiffy is doing ok. Tiffy if your reading these posts and you are taking time away from work to be with your fur angel, if there is any way you could have one of your friends or family email me just to let us know your ok that would put our hearts at ease. my email address is clloyd@epix.net
Thank you again Marge for knowing how I am feeling..it means SO SO much to know we are not going thru this alone.
Bless YOU
Barkleysmom
My Sweet,Sweet boy,if Love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
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A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Good Morning Dear Barklay's Mom: Glad you were able to read my message last night. I was away all day playing my Monkey Organ at a local charity event for kids and did not see your post until late. At least I saw smiling faces from innocent kids and that is cheering. However that was tempered by some sadness as who I thought was my best friend seemed to be very distant - I know not why???? Perhaps because I told her I still missed Nik very much??? You sure find out who your real friends are! I agree it is all the little things that get to you about our lost furbabes. When I was on the bed with her and had the TV on, as soon as I turned it off and it made a beeping noise, she would jump up and know that I would be going downstairs. Now I feel so sad when ever I use the TV as she is not there to respond. When I bring my breakfast tray up to bed every morning, she would know exactly when the right moment was and she would run up the stairs so fast just before me, waiting by the bed to be put up there and given a very small piece of toast. Again, breakfast is not the same without her. I even still do not lock the kitchen sliding door until I go to bed, as I used to let her out for a pee one last time at night and lock it then. And so on! Will we ever get used to living without them???? Their little ways are etched on our brains. Now these memories and cues are sad but usually not teary, so there is hope ahead for you. It must be very hard for you to try and keep cheerful for you mother, but it is the right thing to do if it would make her very sad too. Lets hope dear Tiffy returns here on Monday and we know how she is doing. It is so nice talking with you and I wish you peace as usual. Bye for now. Hugs and prayers. Marge.
{{{^Barkley's^ Mom}}} I just wanted to send you a little hug, letting you know you are not alone. {{{hugs}}} Oh yes... it's the 'little things' that really remind us (as if we need any reminders) of our broken hearts. :( With my ^Whisper^, it was always dinner time that was the worst. That's when I'd cook him special food, (he was diabetic) and give him his "juice". (that's what we called his insulin) For over a year, I couldn't be in the house (or kitchen) at 6am or 6pm. :( For my ^Wonder^.... (sniff, sniff... it's still to 'fresh') I miss his snoring. One of the things that brought me the greatest joy, was hearing him snore. It made me feel safe and loved. I knew my baby was resting and at peace. I miss that....
And yes, at times like these, we really learn who our friends are. (sad, isn't it) There's just not that many people who truly understand. That's why our beloveds send us here, to be with other Bridgemoms who truly understand.
Oh ^Barkley's^ Mom, it's totally normal for you to be 'numb'. {{{hugs}}} One of the hardest things for me, was learning who I was again, without my ^Whisp^ and ^Wonder^ (physically) by my side. I was a lost soul. I didn't know who I was anymore.
I'm starting to worry about ^Stuart Little's^ Mom too. PLEASE let us know if you hear from her. Hopefully, she's just taking a little break from everything. (we need that once and a while)
, ^Whisper^ & ^Wonder's^ Mom
