Tomorrow will be 2 months since the love of my life, Stuart Little, went to the bridge. I was hoping by this time I wouldn't be crying everday and such a wreck, but I am. I miss my "Itty Bitty" more than words can describe and the emptyness I feel is nothing short of torture.
Just this morning I woke around 5am crying. I do this alot. The house is quiet, my best friend is not next to me, and I feel so alone. This pain is nothing like I've ever felt. Why must we suffer in silence? Why aren't there people I can talk to that can help me manage this? Why was such a beautiful and loyal and loving creature given to me only to be taken away and leave me behind?
These questions haunt and consume me. If I could disappear I surely would. I simply do not know how to get past this pain and grief. There has not been a "good day" since that day. There are good moments, but mainly just moments of sorrow and lonliness.
I'm not really sure why I am even writing this. I know no one has a quick fix or the answers to give me to make this pain go away. I just needed to get it out and this is the only place I can. I hate this life without my best friend, and I'm afraid I always will.
-Tiffany Love
Current Proud Mom of : puppy Charger and kittens/cats Abra, Kadabra, Grizabella, and Gypsy
*FOREVER & ALWAYS a Proud Mom of precious ^Stuart Little^ : 12/26/1999 - 09/05/2009*
"If Love Could Have Saved You, You Would Have Lived Forever"
If I changed your name at the end of this post and put mine, every single word you wrote I could of written.
Someone wrote and asked if I had talked to a doctor or a grief counselor. Well when I spoke to a doctor I soon realized he was not an animal lover. in fact when I told him what happened to Barkley that I had to put him to sleep his reply was.."Yea I had a dog a while ago ,he was laying under a tree and a car hit him and killed him so I didn't have to go through all of that like you did". those were his words.
I don't see any reason to talk to a counselor or a doctor since nothing anyone can tell me will change anything, Barkley is gone,period!! what are they going to say that could possibly make me feel any less alone or sad or heartbroken.
I have gotten more comfort from you and the great people from this site then any where else, after all everyone here has been through what I am going thru.
I have been looking for pictures of Barkley,he hated getting his picture taken but I found one last night ,its a picture of the day after he came to live with me and the picture is of me holding him and he is giving his mom kisses,its funny how life went full circle ,the way I was holding him when he was a puppy is the same way I held him that day we went to the vets.
I tried to shrink the picture down to put on my page here but it makes it too small and you cant really see what Barkley is doing,if I can figure out how to copy and paste the picture I will start a new discussion and you can see it in full size.
I have no magic words of wisdom, I have no words that will make you feel better, I have no answers all I have is questions,questions that I will never know the answer to in my life time .
Like you I hate my life now, my life has no meaning ,I am just here,just going through the motions.
I wish I could say something ,anything that would make you feel better but I know of no words that I can say that will take away your pain,just know I am here for you and in 12days I will be right where you are today,2months without my baby.
Barkleysmom
My Sweet,Sweet boy,if Love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
---------------------------------------
A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Oh Barkley's Mom - this life we are now forced to lead is a painful one isn't it? I knew as soon as I wrote that message that you would relate to my feelings and know exactly where I am coming from. Just like I feel that I relate to your postings and sorrow.
I know no one can help us but I have to try something. I cannot live this way any longer. I have called grief counselor after grief counselor and I have had the same cold response. I cannot believe that doctor said those words to you. Again, these people I pity and feel sorry that they have never known a love so pure. I pity them even more because they had the chance to know that love and chose not to by not being close to their pets. I contacted another counselor this morning, but like you, I know there is nothing anyone can say or do to make this pain subside. Those I have been able to talk to until now are suggesting that I "talk to someone". I just wish they could understand there is no time-table for this process!
I would love to see your precious baby's picture when you get it posted. I consider it an honor that you wish to share it with me.
Stuart Little loved his pictures. I bet I have thousands and I can't bear to look at them. Only the ones I've places in his angel frames since he left me. I am a picture and scrapbooking person and I always wanted to make Stuart his own book. I wonder if I'll ever be strong enough to finish it now that he wont be in my lap as I work on it.
My heart, much like your own, is shattered and jaded. Life is not the same and I have no joy in the things I used to with the exception of the others left behind: Abra, KAdabra, Grizzabella, Gypsy, and Charger. I look in their eyes and know they understand what I am going throuh. When I am at home they nuzzle against me and lay their heads on my heart - they feel my pain and no one else seems to other than them and you, and the other members of this board. That's why I am becomming so hermit-like. My house is where I am understood and safe.
I pray for peace, for comfort, for answers, for strength, or even a short bout of amnesia so I can try to function. Time heals all they say, but they never say how much time it takes, nor what to do with that pain while time is passing. My heart is with you dear friend - thank you for understanding.
-Tiffany Love
Current Proud Mom of : puppy Charger and kittens/cats Abra, Kadabra, Grizabella, and Gypsy
*FOREVER & ALWAYS a Proud Mom of precious ^Stuart Little^ : 12/26/1999 - 09/05/2009*
"If Love Could Have Saved You, You Would Have Lived Forever"
If you go to the site,I started a new discussion ,at the bottom of my post hopefully will be a picture of me and my baby .I look at that picture and it breaks my heart
Barkleysmom
My Sweet,Sweet boy,if Love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
---------------------------------------
A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Barkley giving his mom kisses,this was the beginning of a 16year love affair.Thank you my sweet,sweet boy for allowing your mom to be by your side on your journey,it went way too fast and ended way too soon.
Dear Friends Tiffy and Barkley's Mom: You are right, there are no words anyone can say to make things better. All friends can do is be there, listen, and support you in your grief. When I was in the earlier months of misery after Nik left me, life had no meaning and my head and eyes ached from constant crying. I thought the acute mental pain would never go away. But really it does in time, and we just have quiet sadness and tears now and again. Perhaps our pets' spirits need time to settle down at the Bridge, and we can only heal when they are at total peace???? Perhaps they miss us too at first and they are telling us that??? All I do know is that my IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) did not bother me at all in the acute crying stage (strangely enough -as stress usually makes it bad), but has been almost constant for the last 6 months - when the constant crying had abated. It is like it was right for me to cry, but now I do not cry so much, my body is still grieving internally. However, I still feel there is little purpose for me now and life has little joy. Nik took something from me that seems never to return. But I hope that more time will help return my soul to normal again??? I do not understand how so many people who lose pets are capable of moving on so quickly, while we grieve and suffer for so long?? Again, all these unanswered questions!??? So here we are on YT, in a place where we can express our feelings openly and with kind and understanding friends to listen. May all of us feel whole again and just remember the joys of our pets and not the sadness. Your friend. Hugs, Marge
