Life in Our 30s

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what I really want out of this. I just need to talk to someone. I've been feeling so down lately. I'm 31 years old, and I'm not sure what's happening to my life. Everything just hit me all at once like a ton of bricks. First of all, my friendship with my best friend has ended. I was really hurt by it and cried for days. With that, it makes it really hard for me to trust other people and become their friends. In addition to that, I have just quit my job because I was miserable there. I was at that job for almost 5 years, and it wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life, so after saving up enough money for those rainy days, I decided to quit my job and do something different with my career. And then I had to give up my cat because I'm living with my boyfriend and he's extremely allergic to my cat. We've been together for almost 5 years, we have been living together for 4 years with our one and only cat. We've tried our best to keep the cat, but it was getting too much. In addition to all this, I haven't really had much contact with my family. I have 5 other siblings, and they all living on their own. My parents who used to stay with my older sister had a huge fight with her and they both moved out and living with their friends. I feel like my whole family's falling apart. I've tried to stay in touch with them but sometimes it does feel so lonely when you don't really hear anything from anybody.

So all these broken relationships have really left me feeling very lonely and sad. In just a matter of months, I feel like I've lost my best friend, my job, my cat, and some of my family members. And in addition to that, I have let this affected my relationship with my other closed friends..after my friendship with my best friend ended, I feel like I can't trust anyone as my friend anymore. I'm deeply hurt inside..I don't know what to do about this pain. I feel really sad, I tell myself that sometimes friendships do end because as we get older, we all grow into different people, and it's ok, that i need to just put all this behind me and move on with my life. I tell myself to move on but I'm just wondering if what I'm going through is normal? I have never felt such big losses like this all at once in just a matter of months. Sometimes I want to talk to my boyfriend about it but I don't think he really understands. He just tells me that these things never happened to him before..he says he's still in touch with all his friends and recently we just went to one of his friends' wedding. I know I can always make new friends, but I'm usually the type of person that usually don't make alot of friends but with the few that I do have, I do intend to keep as friends for a lifetime..so that's why when my friendship with my best friend ended I was very hurt and ended up not trusting anybody. I guess I just need some time to get past all this...thanks for listening..

this will be the same old boring story for most of the others who know my screen name and my story.

  However I can FEEL your pain... and it makes me feel like i need to open up my book again for someone who needs to know it.. today it seems to me that you are that person,

   I will scale it down as much as I can because its a heck of a novel if i lay it all out for you,

  I was married to my highschool sweetheart for 20+yrs. thought i had it all the way it was supposed to be and life was fine.

  until he got fired from his job(whoops.. back up a bit here.. because i am sick with a chronic condition (M>S>) and i  had just started a new job in the retail world which i  didnt live in normally.. i was and still am a warehouse chick...

 anyway he got fired after he failed a drugtest.. and now i am the sole bread winner of the family in a job I KNEW nothing about.. I thought.. HOLY COW.. whats wrong with my life? and then it got worse... the hubby dies suddenly 2 weeks later leaving me alone.. with a house i can no longer afford... and 2 cars i cant drive because i surrendered the driver license back to the state when i learned i am sick(11 years ago). so instead of losing the house and the cars to the bank who in rights owned more of it than i did. I sold everything.. and got beaned hard by the hubby's family for bailing on the family house.. the famiy name...etc etc.. the hubbys best friend didnt not handle his friends passing as well as i apperently did,, since during one of our fights he told me i never loved david.. in 20 +yrs I SUPPOSEDLY DID NOT LOVE  HIM.. I was biding my time KNOWING that he would die some day and it all would be MINE..(wah ha ha ha)...

  yea right.. to all of those people i once loved and called friend or family.... i said.. Oh yea. look what I GOT FOR ALL MY WAITING.. selling our home with the memories tied to it.. the dog i loved with every ounce of me having to be given away because i was moving into a small 1 bedroom apt.  NOT TOO MENTION THE FACT THAT I LOST MY FIRST LOVE OF 20 yrs that was supposed to be forever... suddenly forever had a end...

  I almost quit that job i had just gotten after he died because it was a best buy and he loved games.. movies... cd's didnt matter if it was a techie kind of toy he loved.. there were times i would just be walking down a row and there would be something there that he wouldve wanted and i would burst into tears and go running outside to smoke and calm down(thank goodness i had understanding managers at the time who knew IF debbie was headed towards the door she is having a mental funk... leave her alone right now.. she will come back...

and i stayed for 3 years there.. but my life was so quiet and lonely,,I didnt want to be deemed the "crazycat lady" in apt201 because i do have a cat... but you know thats always what is usually said about us widows,,,, type thing.

 Oh gosh I look back then to who i was 4 1/2 years ago and I remember being there and doing everyday living...  but i also remember how empty my heart felt and how empty i was.. and starting to get really depressed with "life" as the world deemed it to be back then...   a friend suggested i try online dating... and i thought no way.. not me.. but the emptiness kept building .. so one day i did..

 met a few new friends.. a few jerks.. and most importantly my now new hubby

  So? whats my point with this novel?     like you i lost everything..... that old friend of the hubby's just passed away like 2 weeks ago..  and i did nothing in those 4 years to fix that fight that got him a protection order place against him by me his best friends wife.. 1 month after the friend died... i felt so alone... i do not get along real great with most of the family... my sis seems to hate me for whatever reason i talk more to my 22 yr old neice than i do her mom...lol.

   i try to not dwell on the what were's anymore,,,,

hi.. thanks for writing. i really appreciate you sharing your story and help me understand that what's happened happened and we can't just sit here and dwell on the past. i do get it and someday i tell myself of how selfish i am that i'm sitting here dwelling over nothing, and of how many of the unfortunate people in this world that are in far worse situations and how their lives are full of sufferings far worst than me, and i look at it that way and i do feel better...yes, i guess i just need to look at also like a chapter in my life that is closed...and it's time to move on, new chapter and new life...i guess when i was growing up and even in my 20's i never thought that my life would turn out this way...everything changes when you get older, even to the very thing that you hold so dearly never stays the same. i guess sometimes the losses can be so painful. i just need to get past it and move on with my life. thanks again for listening and trying to help me understand. i also can feel your pain. May God bless you and help you through.

Hi Lovegirl29,

Welcome to the board!!

There is a lot going on in your life right now!!  You probably feel like nothing is going right!!  Whenever we go through a loss, we have to give ourselves time to greive, so don't be to hard on yourself in that category.  And try not to be too irritated with you BF.  It's hard to give advice about something that you haven't experienced.

A few years ago, I felt like you!!  I felt like the floor had dropped out from under me and I was falling fast!!  My Dad had a massive heart attack and we almost lost him - thankfully he's doing better now (3 1/2 years later).  While I spent a month with my Dad helping out, my now XH had an affair on me.  Brought her to my house the works.  Then before telling me - actually he's never told me - but that's another story- he packed his stuff and announced as I walked through the door that he was leaving.  So I packed up and moved thousands of miles and started making a life for me.  My X had come home from a tour of service in Iraq (he's a government employee - not military) just a few months before - that wasn't fun waiting for him to come home and then to have him walk out - enough said!!!  The iceing on the cake was my Mom trying to stay friends with him.  I felt so betrayed!!!!!!  So I can understand why it can be hard to trust people.  But I've finally decided that I can't go through life not trusting anyone.  Now that doesn't mean that I'm not choosy.  Some people in my life are much more trustworthy than others.  So I've learned to judge how much I trust someone and each person if different.  I even do this with my family members.  This has also helped me accept people where they are at.  I end up not expecting too much from them and in the long run I have a better relationship.  I don't try to get people to give more than they have to give.

I'm not sure that this helps much, but remember that you are not alone!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

                      

   

                   

kristiie is right..... YOU ARE NOT ALONE... and thank you for reading and understanding what i was trying to impress upon you..

 HOWEVER pleas dont think for one second that it has been easy to let go of what i had always considered mine...  its been 4 and 1/2 years now since my life turned around me... and I am very much in love with j... BUT THERE ARE certain times and days of the year that still leaves me bound to my past life.. some make me angry... some make me sad... but  most  STILL MAKES ME WONDER.. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIFE>???  When I first started seeing j. I USED TO FEEL AND THINK THAT I WAS CHEATING ON  my first hubby who I KNEW OBVIOUSLY WASNT COMING BACK anytime soon.. stilll I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING UNFAITFUL... and it took me being seriously HO**Y... lonely and lost before i would sleep with j. and when i did AGAIN THE  CHEATING THING came up in my mind... but how could i be cheating on dave..? he's gone from me and this world.... and you debbie my dear are ALONE except for your cat.. your fish... your friends NONE OF WHICH could make me feel like a woman again NONE OF THEM could or would do that... so i had to suck it up and start all over again... and i did and J. and i have been married happily now for almost 2 years... so it is POSSIBLE to loose it all and find some new all to make your world right again..

 hang in there girl... if you need me/// you know where to find me...