Betrayed Spouses Support

Have you been watching the news?  Have you seen the story of the New York Governor and the prostitution ring?  It got me thinking about his wife, who of course hasn’t been the focus of the attention really.  If you could give her advice what would you say?

What do you do after you find out your husband cheated on you?

I agree with Lily wholeheartedly on everything she said. I would also give Mrs. Spitzer the same advice I would give anyone that comes here. To make sure she is putting herself and her children first. To think about what SHE wants out of life, a partner, and a marriage, and then looking at her husband to see if she believes he is willing and able to give that to her. If she wants to remain married, then she should be looking to see if he is showing true remorse for the pain he has caused her, if he is taking full and complete responsibility for his choice to cheat, and if he is showing through his actions that he will make changes in himself and his lifestyle, and that he will put in a lot of effort into working on the marriage (because that's what it takes).

If she doesn't want to remain married, or if he does not seem willing to do his part, then I would say she should think about doing what she needs to protect herself and her children, and to start working on a plan so that she can create and have the kind of life she wants for herself, even if it will be without him.

But I think the first step in those earliest days after discovery is to just give herself some time to absorb it all, to take one day at a time and be kind to herself, and to surround herself with support wherever she can find it. Because she will experience a roller coaster of emotions including everything from profound grief to intense rage, and it's all a normal and natural reaction to the discovery.

My heart really does go out to her and to their girls. This is hard enough to deal with in private, and I can't imagine what it must be like to go through it on public display.