Betrayed Spouses Support

First of all, you start thinking about YOU.

Your husband is a serial cheater. But I would like to know more.

What made him tell you all this?

I have been through the same situation as you. My H and I have been together exactly 13 years and I busted him not once but twice, Two different women. I felt like my whole world was coming down. It gets better with time. The decisions you are about to make will effect you so be wise in your choices. First question is: How much do you love this man? Second question: Can you stay with him and get past his infidelity? I had to make those two decisions a year ago and I choose to stay with my H it was hard and there were times I could of took a baseball bat to him but I didnt, instead we went to marriage counseling and he also went to a pychologist to find out why he did what he did because he couldnt give me an answer that he didnt know the answer to himself. As for our relationship now it's stronger than ever before and I am starting to learn to trust again. He swears it will never happen ever again so I an giving the benefit of the doubt. So even though you feel like you cant breathe, you will get past all of this. The first initial shock makes you feel lost and alone that gets better in time, keep your self busy and things will start to lighten up. I hope you know that you are not alone that all of us this has happened too stand behind you 100%.

Good luck!! My prayers are with you, God helped me through it and he will help you.

Nay

Marcie,

I had the exact problem with my husbands for a few more years than 10. I can't even think about the multiples I don't know about. Please don't take my next sentence as me being bitter or cynical; but those of us who have been or are married to serial cheaters face a much more critical issue than a "Cheatin husband". That man who is supposed to be your protector could turn out to be your murderer. Please go and get tested if you haven't already for all STD's. STD's know no race or gender any longer.

My serial cheater and i have been married for 22 years next month and are going thru a divorce. When I discovered his continuos and multiple sexual escapades i had to face the cold reality that he was putting my life at risk, at best exposing me to treatable sexual diseases. It was so hard to face, You want to believe that something like that could never happen to you, but it can. I must have had angels wathching over me and giving me strength. Get help or sex is over for us as well any loving feelings towards you. Fortunately I went numb just realizing that his cheating and betrayal was bad enough but he might as well have been holding a gun to my head. Even then I could not bring myself to ask my gyn to run battery of STD tests. It seemed to so dirty and shameful. 18 months later I told him our life was over-It took me that long to wrap my arms around the serial cheating and the disrespect as an individual who deserved respect, as his wife that deserved respect, and as the mother of his children who deserved respect who he so nonchalantly could have exposed and infected with many diseases. He, as always begged for forgiveness for the cheating, would spend the rest of his life making up his transgressions to me and be the husband I deserved. Thank goodness I declined knowing the final result would be the same. It is so hard when you have to face that decision about your children's father.

My husband and I are professional, upper middle class suburbanites and I mention this for a reason. We separated in January 2009. On Friday March 6 he contacted me and said he wanted to come by to see our daughter who was home from college for the weekend. Said he wanted to discuss something with us. I commented to our daughter that he was probably hand delivering divorce papers as narcissistic as he had turned out to be. He walked in our door grabbed our daughter and me. Until the day I die I will always remember the awful, chilling, almost gutteral scream that came out of his mouth with the words and tears, " I tested positive for HIV". Our daughter almost passed out and then I heard the same pained scream and tears coming from her. I literally felt I was someone else's body and this nightmare could not be mine. All of a sudden our daughter screamed out to him,"Oh my god dad, you might have infected my mother. How could you? I could lose both parents to HIV."

The next few months for my daughter and I were traumatic. I was committed to several business trips that I had no replacement for. I knew if I was tested and was positive I would probably fall apart. The earliest I could be tested was June. Our daughter wanted to be with me for the test and the results and we didn't want her exams to be affected if bad news. THose months were so scary. Actually almost feeling as if I was positive just because he was. Quick blood test and results could be obtained in 1 week. I did not take a chance on those quick results that are advertised, even though they may be accurate as well. DDay in the waiting room with my daughter was the absolute, worst, scariest day I have ever had in 53 years. Looking into my daughter's eyes knowing how scared but strong she was being, I don't think I have ever been as proud. I tested negative and our tears of joy were overflowing.

Sexually transmitted diseases can happen to any of us. My beautiful, sweet, caring daughter could have lost both her parents to a disease transmitted by her father while cheating on her mother. Certainly HIV now has a 20 year life expectancy if one stays healthy but we can get over the cheating in much fewer years!!

Good luck!

tearsnomore2009

Vickie