My husband of 15 years, has cheated on me... again. I would not be surprised if there are more that I don't know about. We have an 8 year old son, who unfortunately knows what has happened and that it has happened again. My husband wasn't smart enough to hide it from him - he took DS to the in-laws on the weekend, and talked with her on the phone with DS in the back seat. Sadly, he was the one who led me to finding out.
My husband is now acting rude and horrible to me, as if somehow it is my fault. He says "It isn't about me" but how can it not be? He accused me of snooping in "his business". HIS? I even told him to break it off or I will. Meaning that I would be more than happy to call her to tell her that this man has a wife, and is lying to her. He yelled at me and told me that if I call her, we are finished. He is protecting her?
Obviously my brain is going in a million different directions. That's what I need help with. I just dropped my husband off at the airport. He has left to go back to work. He works out of town, and comes for one week visits every 4 weeks. That is how he has been able to cheat for so long.
4 years ago I found out (on Christmas) that he was having an affair, was in love with her, and had been with her for a year. We agreed to work it out, and at that time, he acted as if he cared about how this affects me. This time he is being so harsh! I don't know what to do. I keep texting messages, and he keeps ignoring them. What should I say? What should I be doing? I basically begged him not to leave me - In other words I was pathetic. I don't have a support system. I live in my husbands home Province, I have no family, and no friends here. His parents aren't exactly supporting towards me. They hide his secrets from me though.
To make matters worse, I just got diagnosed with Cushings. I have a pituitary tumor and I will be needing surgery. I just got that news as I was driving to the airport. My doctor called and asked if I could come in tomorrow morning, and to being my husband for support. We all know what that means when a doctor says it. Yes, I am a mess. I can't be though - I still have that wonderful little boy to raise.
Please. Any advice as to what to do in the next 24 hours? Beyond that?
I am so sorry you find yourself here, but you have come to the right place. We will provide you with strength, support, wisdom and insight.
My first suggestion is you consult a lawyer ASAP. I would find out what your rights are, even if its just for information. BUt that would be what I would do tomorrow!!!
Your H has shown you by having little regard for you what his true colors are.. What hit a nerve with me is how he threatened you that if you called her you would be done... It sounds like she probably doesnt know about you!! His schedule has allowed him to live two seperate lives - but his worlds have collided and good for you for calling him out on it... H's who cheat once, and then say sorry, but do it again raise a huge red flag for me.. Yes there are many on this board that have worked through one, two, and sometimes three A's... I just think that the lack of respect and his work travels are not going to change....
U have been raising your son on your own pretty much, and by the sounds of it - you have done a great job!! So why do you need this man, you have lived in "his life" for so long... You can make new friends, or move to be closer to old friends, or your family if you can, people start over all the time, you deserve more for you and your son!!!!
I understand your dilemna with your upcoming surgery - is there anyone that you can call on?? even from your past?? speak to your doctor tomorrow about your recovery and then make a plan for yourself!!! You deserve to be happy!!!!
Last month I was at a loss, it was torture - but after 3 A's - and that my STBX had A #2 during my pregnancy and then affair #3 after the baby was born - with the help of the amazing support from this board - i realized I could do it... so here I am with a 15 week old newborn!!!!
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!! good luck, and keep posting!!!
my husband has been a serial cheater. when i found out about his cheating back in 06 he too became ugly. 'how dare i snoop" what the hell? how dare i snoop he asks after 25+ years of marriage. he turned into someone ugly that i did not know. one evening we really got into it and he lost it, i had caught him on the phone with her 'supposedly breaking up, yeh right, more like setting up another liason". he had lied and said it was over so when i over heard him on the phone with her i lost it. i walked up and picked up his glass of merlot and threw it in his face; he then went magilla gorilla on me. i ran, but he chased me down threw me to the tile floor and began to bang my head into the tile. he then balled up his fists and hit me in the chest about 4-5 times. i was bruised so badly and hurt so much i thought he had broken every bone in my chest.
so be careful.
HOWEVER, that does not mean you role over and play dead. look, if this woman is married her husband has ever right to know - just m opinion, why is he protecting her?
next, the ball is in your court. do not allow him to call the shots or make the rules. do not give your power away - that is the worst thing you could possible do.
he has shown you who and what he is - believe him. it is time to draw a line in the sand. now this is just my opinion, but i have been married for almost 33 years and i can see where this is going if you do not take your power back. he will do this til the day he dies, and not give one thought to you or what it is doing to you.
it is too soon for you to decide what you will do - you are still reeling from all that has been thrown at you. that does not mean you allow him to continue to lie and continue to see her. i would recommend that you go into individual therapy with a therapist who specializes in infidelity. i would also get tested for std's, this is important. are you close with your mom and dad? tell your mom, if she is like me SHE will call the husband and then dare your husband to do anything about it. your family needs to know so they can be there for you. his day of calling the shots are OVER. you need to protect you, you need to love you, you need to understand that what you thought you had is no more, perhaps it never was. i do not know, but that is my guess.
i am so sorry for your pain, so sorry. please read as many posts as possible. it will help to read others stories and to realize that no matter what the differences between us - whether it be age, gender, nationality, etc. all of our stories are still the same - we have been betrayed.
you are 'paying it forward' my young friend. what a help you will be to many who come here.
you will be able to offer them strength by sharing how your determination, self love, and love of your young son - wanting the best for him, helped you to leave.
We are still at an impasse. He is threatening to leave me (and my son) if I phone her. He now says he told her I was his ex-wife and not to believe me. He wanted to make sure I didn't get to her first. What should I do? Is taking my power back mean I can phone her ;-)
As for family and friends. No. Both parents passed, no one else.
Thanks so much for everyone who read my diatribe. I am sick to my stomach and I can't stop shaking!
Edited to add:
"IF" I want him back, how do I proceed with him? What has to happen?
Love 
